Mending Bella
by vegandroid
Summary: Five years after Edward leaves Bella, he discovers Bella has been mysteriously turned by another vampire. How will Bella cope with being a new vampire, seeing Edward again, and giving up her old life?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1 EPOV

Esme was on the prowl. Preparing for visitors in the Cullen household was serious business and I was just trying to stay out of the way. The house was alive with my family buzzing around, tidying and cleaning every room repeatedly. I busied myself in the living room, dusting family portraits under Esme's wary eye.

"Alice, did you change the linens in the guest bedroom?" she called up the stairs. Her voice didn't reach far beyond a typical conversational tone but Alice heard her from the third floor of our house and was there in a flash of pink blouse, her black hair continuing to move after she did, and bouncing quickly back in place along with her bright smile.

"I changed them fourteen times. I decided to keep the lavender ones with the grey duvet. I think the colors will match Velia's skin tone perfectly." She squeaked.

Esme released an unnecessary breath and smiled at Alice. "Thank you, dear. I'm sorry to question you, I just want everything to be perfect." She wrapped her arms around Alice.

I returned a portrait of Carlisle with his medical staff at Forks to its original position. "I don't think it could be any more perfect" I interjected "Besides, Velia is used to living in caves, do you really think she'll even notice the clinical absence of dust you've accomplished?"

Alice's eyes lit up "It's too late now, anyway. They're coming!"

The whole family piled out onto our large covered front porch to greet our visitors. It was raining and our visitors arrived upon us quickly, shaking water from their hair. Velia and her mate Roshus were old friends of the family. They had been loyal vegetarians since being counseled by Carlisle nearly sixty years ago but were still "wild vampires", constantly on the move, unable to settle down into the mock human existence that we had become accustomed to. Though constantly moving, they still came to visit our pack every five years like clockwork.

Esme and Velia embraced while Roshus, whose physique was even larger than Emmett's, started shaking hands joyously.

After the reunion, we all settled in the living room to catch up. As Roshus told us boisterously about the time they had spent in the Soviet Union, Jasper made his way into my mind.

"_Edward, Velia is having some strange emotions". _I glanced across the room toward Velia. I hadn't noticed it before now but she did have a strange expression on her face, keeping quiet with an occasional small smile while Roshus spoke. I looked questioningly at Jasper.

"_It's something like guilt, nervousness…the emotions are directed at you, specifically."_

I frowned. I could not imagine what Velia had to be nervous about with me. We had been cordial during past visits but we weren't close by any means. In fact, the last time we had seen them, it hadn't been long since we left Forks…left Bella…and I was still so caught up in my grief I didn't speak a single word to Velia or Roshus. I thought of searching her mind to see what was troubling her but decided against it. Velia had been a friend of our family for a long time and we trusted her completely. If she had something to say, I would let her say it to me on her own terms. I considered taking her aside but was afraid she wouldn't come with me, or Roshus would see it as a threat to his status as her mate. Velia and Roshus were kind and decent for vampires but they were still wanderers and may have a wild streak in them. Besides, Roshus was much too large a vampire for me to get into a tussle with, even with my family to back me up. I decided to be direct.

"Velia?" I asked, coating my voice with concern. Everyone stopped and looked at me. Velia's eyes widened at the sound of her name. I smiled at her, "Are you feeling all right? You don't seem your usual jovial self today." My family, other than Jasper of course, had quizzical looks on their faces. It wasn't like me to speak openly with visitors other than the standard conformities, although I had become more social in the past couple of years.

Velia's wide eyes cast down toward her knees and she laced her fingers through her auburn hair. I could tell she was considering what to say. Roshus laid a dinner-plate sized hand on her shoulder and murmured "Go ahead and tell them."

Velia looked across the room into my eyes for a moment before directing her attention to Carlisle. It was still in her custom to direct the leader of a pack, although that wasn't necessary in our home.

"Carlisle, during our journey here," she began with a small voice, "we came across a cave on the western coast of Washington. We were going to stop to rest, to spend some quiet time together before making our way to your home but we found the cave was already occupied." She paused, twisting her hands nervously.

"By another coven?" Carlisle prompted kindly.

"Yes….I mean, no. By a single vampire. She was alone there. She was wild."

My eyes narrowed and I growled. "_Victoria_."

My family gasped. We had tracked Victoria for months after leaving Forks, to ensure she stayed away from Bella and her family, but she eluded us. Once we were sure she was staying away for a while, we relocated ourselves to Oregon, to stay close to Forks. Although it had been incredibly painful to be that close to Bella and have to remain hidden, it was the most advantageous place for us to keep watch and make sure Victoria didn't come around. It seemed, however, that she was back.

My hands turned to fists and I sprung from my chair. "I'll be leaving immediately. Roshus, Velia, please direct me this cave. I'm sure she's not still there but it will be the best place to start track-"

"Edward, slow down!" Velia interrupted me. My gaze met hers. Her eyes startled me. They held so much pain that my anger dissipated instantly and I fell back into the chair. "Velia?" I pleaded, needing to know why finding this cave caused her such sorrow. I dove into her head but found no cohesive thoughts, just frantic images. _A cave, running during a hunt, a female form._

"It was not Victoria." She spoke to me now. "This was a new vampire. I would guess she's been changed a month at the longest. In fact she told us she had changed there in the cave. She wouldn't tell us how she arrived or who had changed her, or why she was alone…" Velia lifted a hand to her forehead and closed her eyes before she continued, "she was scared and incredibly guarded. We tried to get her to come with us, tried to convince her it wasn't safe to stay there alone. We told her we were going to visit a family called the Cullens and that you would be more than willing to help her adjust to her new life and teach her…" she looked up at Carlisle apologetically but Carlisle just smiled and nodded, confirming that she was correct in making those promises to this new vampire.

Impatient, I urged her forward, "Velia, what happened with this new vampire to make you act this way? Why are you afraid of her?"

"Edward, I'm not afraid of her. I'm afraid of telling you this. Please, be patient with me while I get through it."

Carlisle reached out and took Velia's hand, "Velia, you never have to feel afraid here. Not of any of us. You are a dear friend and no one would make you feel unwelcome in our home."

Velia nodded but looked to Roshus for support. He smiled and ran his hands through her hair.

"Let me finish for Velia. She's has the most sensitive of hearts" he looked down at her admiringly "so this is hard for her to tell you, Edward."

I couldn't imagine what they could possibly say that would be this hard, so I just stared at them, mouth open, waiting for someone to spit it out already.

"When we mentioned the Cullen name to the girl, she became aggravated. She obviously recognized your name but tried to hide that, and became insistent that she could not travel here with us."

I searched Roshus' thoughts and again found images.

_Velia standing in the cave, concern on her face_.

"We feared leaving her there, so Velia convinced her to go on a hunt before we left and I stayed behind in the cave. I found the vampire's jacket in a corner of the cave."

_A black jacket crumpled in corner, a small fire making shadows dance off of it._

"It must have been there since her change, I imagine she would have destroyed it if she knew it was there…"

_Large hands pulling out contents. Ear phones. A wallet._

"Anyway, I snooped through the pockets and found this…" he pulled a laminated card from his pocket and looked at me with what – condolences? – as he crossed the room to hand it to me. It was a driver's license. As soon as it was in my hand I could smell it, smell _her_ all over it. My mind struggled to comprehend. There she was, frowning in her license picture. My Bella. Why would a vampire have Bella's belongings?

"_What did this vampire do to Bella_?!" I roared, turning over the arm chair as I ripped out of it. I was in Roshus' face now, pushing my body against his, demanding his answers. Roshus didn't budge, didn't change the expression on his face.

_The vampire, huddled in the dark, her porcelain skin flashes as she raises her head to look at Roshus._

I felt my body become limp as his thoughts registered. "No" I felt myself whimper, although I was now fully unaware of myself, wrapped up in my own horror.

He nodded and whispered, calmly to me.

"Edward, Bella _is_ the vampire."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 BPOV

**Post-Change, Day 1-4**: Once you change, nothing hurts. Physical pain doesn't exist anymore. I lay in that cave for three days during the change and felt the most excruciating pain I could have imagined, but then, as though I had woken from a nightmare, I felt nothing. After the change, I didn't move for what I guessed was four days. I sat, crouched, with my arms wrapped around my knees but felt no discomfort. I did not need to use the bathroom, yet I saw the sun rising and setting outside. How was this possible? After the four days passed I stood up and didn't have a cramp, not an ache, no body parts had fallen asleep. How bizarre. I remembered every detail I saw. The colors of the sky each morning, every bug that crawled along the cave floor, but I could not remember any details about myself.

**Post Change, Day 5-7**: I knew that I had become a vampire. I knew that previously I was human, but my mind did not understand what this meant, or what the difference was. When I ran with vampire speed for the first time, I knew I had never run like that before and was able to deduce that humans must be slower than vampires.

The hunt after those four days was natural. I had hardly felt the thirst in the beginning but the feeling built until I was uncomfortable enough to venture out of the cave and try to find something to eat. Looking back, it's surprising how inhuman I was at that point, the thought of catching an animal and drinking its blood did not make me nervous, or make me squeamish. It seemed the natural thing to do. I knew in my mind that I was not supposed to hurt humans, but the thought of burying my teeth into one did not repel me, nor did I feel the insatiable desire to consume human blood. I hunted and ate animals because I understood that it was necessary, because it helped with the thirst, because it passed the time.

**Post Change, Days 7-14**: I knew the general facts about my human life but not the details, and not the emotions tied to them. These facts slowly found their way to my mind during my second week as a vampire. I knew I was working on my master's degree at a university but I didn't know what I was studying or where I attended. I knew I had come home to spend fall break with my father but I couldn't remember his name, or what he looked like. I knew that I had known vampires and that I had desired to be a vampire, but I also knew that this was not how it was supposed to happen.

**Post Change, Days 14-21**: During the third week the human pieces of my old life to come back to me, digging into my mind like leeches. Physically being a vampire is a walk in the park. I would take the pain of the change, however, over the emotional turmoil of remembering who I was any day. Each detail of my human life slapped me in the face. Sad memories hurt just as much as they had when the event first occurred. Happy memories hurt because I could never have them again. Those moments, with those people I loved. Every person reintroducing themselves into my mind was torture. Every drop of love I had for them, every amount of grieving I felt at my separation from them, everything hits at once and it just…destroys you. Charlie. Renee. Jacob. My friends at college. All these people I would never see again, whom I loved dearly.

**Post Change, Day 22**: Two vampires showed up, a dark man and a redheaded woman. I was not afraid of them. I felt invincible as a vampire. When they came to me, I simply wanted them to go away. They asked me questions I could not answer. Their faces showed concern, such a human quality, that it disgusted me. I did not require nor desire their humanity, or their pity. Towards nightfall on the 22nd day, they asked me to come with them. They said they were going to visit a family of vampires who were vegetarians and only fed on animals, and they could help me become acquainted with this new life. I stared into the man's eyes. "What life do you speak of? We are dead."

"You don't understand" said the woman, whose name I didn't listen to when it was first spoken, "the Cullens are a wonderful family who have integrated themselves into the human world. You could learn to live like them, to be a part of a society…"

_The Cullens_. I knew that name. That name held power. Why? Who were they to me? Why did they cause my chest to throb? Then, screaming out from the edges of my mind, it all came back.

_Edward. Edward. Edward. _

I winced and turned away from the redhead. "I cannot go with you. Please, just leave me."

I could sense their silent communication with one another but could not open my senses to it; I was too busy drowning in this newly surfaced sorrow. Edward. His family. They could not see me like this. They could never know what I had become. They didn't want me when I was more human than them, how could they want me _now_?

The redhead touched my shoulder. "Dear girl, before we leave you, let me show you some tricks I've learned along the way. Hunting, tracking…if I can't take you with me, at least let me leave you a little safer than when we came."

Her kindness was painful. I looked into her eyes and could not find a single reason not to humor this woman, a vampire with humane and motherly tendencies.

When the pair left, I was happy to have my solitude back but now had too many memories to ponder to feel comfortable. I ached for something, anything to make me feel more human. I shuffled through the cave until I spotted a black jacket. Excited to connect with my old self, I snatched it up and shoved my arms through it. Suddenly I could smell him. The large man had put his hands all over my jacket. But why? I pulled the items out of the pockets, sniffing each one. I could nearly taste his skin in the wallet, his scent was so strong. I could not imagine that I had much money on me prior to my change. Did vampires require money anyway? The Cullens were wealthy but that only helped to indulge the delusion that they were human. No, there was something else.

What was missing?


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 EPOV

Their thoughts were screaming into my mind. Esme's despair, Emmett's shock, Carlisle's reason, Alice's hysteria. Rosalie's mind was blank. Jasper was sending out waves of calm to everyone. All of this chaos was only inside of my head, though. Outside, everyone's mouths were shocked still.

I had crumpled near Roshus' feet and Velia had raced to take me in her arms, trying to comfort me. After what seemed like hours, Alice was the one to break the silence.

"This cannot be right. It cannot be Bella. Who would change her? And leave her in a cave? No. This is wrong. It _has_ to be…" her voice cracked at the end and Jasper wrapped his arms around her.

Emmett stood up from the white leather sofa, "What are we waiting for? We have to go get her. We have to go right now. Bella is all alone out there. The only one of us here who changed without support was Carlisle and I cannot even imagine the shit he went through."

Pain shot across Carlisle's face. I knew it wasn't for himself, I knew it was for Bella, knowing that she had been through hell, alone, in a dark cave. With a new determination, Carlisle spoke.

"Emmett, Alice, Jasper and Esme will go to the cave to retrieve Bella. Take blankets. Try to find something she would have been able to relate to in her human form. Emmett, music would be good. Jasper can influence her calm. Alice, you and she were very close so you are a good choice to approach her first."

Alice and Jasper shot off to pack the Jeep. Carlisle turned to me. "Edward, you and Rosalie will stay here with me and prepare for Bella. You and I are going to scour the internet to see if there has been any news of Bella's disappearance and try to contact Charlie, although I'm not sure what we would even say to him…Rosalie I want you to make the second guest bedroom comfortable."

In a rage, I raced to Carlisle, putting my face inches from him. "Carlisle, I am going to fetch Bella. I will _not_ stay behind!"

Carlisle remained calm and placed a hand on my shoulder gently, which I shrugged away. "Edward, you will listen to me. Not everyone can go. I need you here. I cannot risk Bella not returning with us because of the history you two have. Our best chances for persuasion are Jasper and Esme, you know that."

"_No_" I roared, "Bella is mine, Carlisle, I have to bring her back. Esme can stay here. There is no reason for this."

"Edward, I do not appreciate my decision being questioned at a time like this, let me explain to you that when I changed, alone…the only thing that could have comforted my despair was my mother, but I could not have her." He winced at the memory. "Thus, Esme will go to Bella, and help bring her back safely. Trust your family to take care of Bella. If you are intent on rebuilding some sort of relationship with her, you can work with her later but she is not herself now, she is not the old Bella. Please, trust me on this." Carlisle paused, clearly regretting having to say his next words, "We don't know, Edward, if Bella still loved you before the change, if she would forgive you leaving. You know and I know that there is almost no chance she will come back to you in the state she is in, after you caused her pain in her human life."

Still enraged, I forced myself to calm down and nodded at Carlisle. I knew he was right. I had no claim over Bella and to ensure her safety and her return to me, I had to stay behind. I crumpled into an arm chair and looked around at my family. I listened to their thoughts, the worry for Bella, the sympathy for me. I didn't deserve their sympathy, nor did I want it. All I could do now was wait, and mourn the loss of my love. I had mourned losing her for five years, and now I mourned the loss of her human life. As I sat there, my rage began to grow. What kind of monster had changed her and left her abandoned in a cave? It couldn't have been Victoria, surely Victoria would destroy Bella. I couldn't wait to see Bella again, to find out who was to pay for this. Perhaps, to hold her in my arms again….no. That was gone now. My sweet human Bella was now a cold empty shell, like the rest of us.

My family left with Roshus to go fetch Bella. Velia, an incredibly sensitive soul, was distraught over the news she'd had to break and was resting in the guest bedroom. I could hear her thoughts; see the wall she was staring at blankly. I shut her out when she began to think of Bella's raw vampire behaviors, I couldn't stand to see Bella like that. I sat looking out the large paned front window and waited. Waited to see my love Bella, dead and ruined.

After they had been gone two hours, Carlisle called me into his office. He had found a news story and several updates in Forks' small newspaper that stated Bella was missing, had disappeared while hiking with friends, but there were no clues as to how she ended up in the cave.

Not sure what to do next, Carlisle and I sat and waited, Rosalie joining us after she had straightened a room for Bella and called Emmett to see where they were. They had not arrived at the cave yet. We discussed calling Charlie, or Jacob Black, one of Bella's closest friends, but there was nothing we could say.

There was nothing to do but wait.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 BPOV

I threw the buck to the side and wiped my mouth on a large leaf. The redheaded woman had shown me how to crouch to avoid getting blood on my clothing (although, with only one change of clothes, I was already a blood-splattered mess) but I had not yet mastered how to avoid making my face look like a human child who had just eaten a plate of spaghetti.

Satisfied from the buck, I started back to the cave. I wasn't sure how far I had traveled to find the animal but it seemed every time I came out to hunt I had to go farther and farther. If this was due to the animals' intelligence or me reducing the population, I wasn't sure. I ran, guessing it would take around twenty minutes for me to reach the cave. I didn't like being in the wilderness, exposed. Other vampires could be hunting, or wandering by and I wanted to keep my scent as contained as possible, to avoid leading them to my cave.

The moon was high and full and threw silver light on the trees and I sped by them. Running as a vampire was very peaceful. The feeling of being light, of being unstoppably fast and to do it so quietly was powerful. I opened up my mind and all my senses as I tried to memorize the path back to the cave, hoping that soon I would know the land around me well enough to determine whether this would be an appropriate long-term home for me.

When I was nearly back to the cave I could smell them. The wind carried their scent from the east directly across my path. I stopped running and listened. I could see the entrance to the cave and I ducked behind a tree and watched my visitors approach the entrance.

"Bella?" I heard a voice call into the cave. It was a sweet soprano and the familiarity of it warmed me and made me shudder at once. I could smell the large man from where I stood and I could tell there were five vampires all together. My chest tightening, I sorted through the scents looking for Edward. I thought I would know his scent, although I hadn't smelled him as a vampire, but I could not decipher whether he was amongst the group. The large man had brought them back here. For what? To fetch me? To speak with me? Well, I wasn't interested. I held my ground, hoping they would go away.

One of the men spoke to the group, "She's not far. I can feel her emotions."

"Oh, she must be so afraid" said the soprano.

"No" he continued, "she's not afraid, but she is wary. Unsure, slightly angry. I think she wants us to go away."

"Well we won't!" the soprano huffed, "Bella, come out! We won't hurt you. We just want to talk to you!"

I stood perfectly still, barely daring to peek past the branches at the group, afraid I would be spotted. They would give up and go away, surely. They were not unreasonable, they were remarkably human, and they would respect my wishes. At least, I hoped they would.

"Bella, it's Alice. Alice Cullen. Don't you remember me? We were great friends before, when you were human. Bella, everyone here loves you and just wants to help you. At least come talk to us. You don't have to go anywhere if you don't want to."

My eyes narrowed at Alice's words. Alice had left me in Forks, abandoned me. Alice was just as bad as Edward. If they loved me, they would not have left me. I was never part of their coven, their family then, and they could not convince me to be part of it now. I held my ground, my anger beginning to rise in my throat. I fought the urge to begin yelling at Alice.

"She's upset." I heard the man, whom I now suspected to be Jasper, whisper to the group.

The female that wasn't Alice stepped forward and slowly began walking toward where I hid. When she stepped into the moonlight, I could make out her face, heart-shaped with her coppery brown hair falling in waves around her shoulders. She took my breath away. Her face held such concern and love, as it always had when she looked at me. Esme. My throat tightened at the sight of her.

"Bella," Esme whispered, looking directly at my hiding spot and slowly moving toward me, "please come talk to us. We haven't seen you in so long. I know that what you're going through is a very frightening thing. We've all been there. We can help you." Her voice choked now, "I just want to see your face again Bella, you've always been like a daughter to me. I can't bear thinking of you alone out here with no one for support…"

The pain on Esme's face and in her voice made me choke, a dry sob that I hadn't heard from my body since I first remembered Charlie during my second week. I saw Esme send me a comforting smile at the sound and she reached out her hand, now only thirty feet from where I hid. I stepped out from behind the tree, eager to be closer to this beautiful creature, ignoring the warnings screaming inside my mind, ignoring the hurtful memories flooding my brain when I thought of the Cullens.

Esme face crumpled into an agonized smile at the sight of me and she rushed to close the distance between us, wrapping her arms around my shoulders and gently lowering me to the ground when my legs collapsed with my dry sobs. We sat for a long time, curled together and rocking, while Esme stroked my hair. "It's OK, baby girl" she whispered, "Everything is OK now."

It was the first time I had been touched in nearly a month and Esme felt remarkably human to me, not at all like the cold granite I remembered. I realized I must feel the same way to her, like one of them. I looked up into her eyes. "Esme" I whispered, "I never thought I'd see you again."

Esme smiled and tucked a strand of my wild hair behind my ear. I realized then that I must be a mess. Vampire or not, living in a cave for a month was sure to make anyone filthy. It had never occurred to me to clean myself up in one of the nearby streams. "Bella" Esme smiled and put her forehead against mine, "I want you to do me a favor. Will you please come for a visit to my house? We can discuss your options with you. You will be under absolutely no obligation to stay and can leave at any time. I know Carlisle would love to see you and I'm sure you'd like to take a shower and put on some fresh clothes."

I considered going back to the Cullen house. The thought of having fresh clothes was nearly irresistible, such a human luxury, but there was one Cullen I just couldn't face. Especially not like this. "Esme" I whispered, "I can't see Edward. I can't go where he is. I can't be in the same room with him. I'm not ready for that."

"Of course, dear." Esme smiled and freed one hand from around me, where she was holding me on her lap. She pulled a small silver cell phone from her jacket pocket, and quickly dialed what I assumed was Carlisle's cell phone. She stared into my eyes as she spoke with him briefly.

"Carlisle, we're fine, we're leaving now. Edward can not be in the house when we return, will you arrange that? Of course, I love you too."

"There" she said, smiling at me, "Let's get you home, Bella."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5 EPOV

I was sitting in the office with Carlisle when Esme called and requested that I not be in the house when they arrived with Bella. Carlisle looked at me with one of his classic expressions, one that said he was sorry but I was going to have to obey this instruction. I did not feel like arguing, but this request hurt me deeply and I removed myself from the office and sped up to my room.

I stared at the room, large but still the smallest in the house. When you are the only one occupying the space, you can't expect to have one of the luxurious suites like one of the couples inhabited. I sighed and walked to the middle of the room, where a bed would probably sit if I'd had any use for one. In its place was my piano. I slid onto the bench and lifted the key cover.

Closing my eyes, I let my fingers speak for me. The sounds came out hard, rough chords that expressed my frustration. I lost myself in my music, glad to have an escape from my racing mind.

I'm not sure how long I played but it must have been hours. I was pouring out a sweeping melody, filled with my sorrow, when I heard Carlisle clear his throat at my door. I stopped and looked at him. I nodded at his knowing stare. It was time to leave.

I felt a rush of excitement at the thought of Bella arriving. I hadn't seen her face in five years. Even though I wouldn't be able to be near her now, my dead heart sang at the knowledge that she was going to be here, in this house, soon. I caught myself hoping, as I grabbed my keys and raced out the back door to the garage, that she would eventually allow my presence. Someday she may even learn to enjoy my company. We could be a part of the same family, if nothing else.

I started the Volvo and pulled out of the garage, making sure the door closed behind me. I drove down the lane that wound away from the house and toward the highway. I wasn't sure where I would go, or for how long I would have to stay away. I hadn't brought anything with me, clothes or toiletries and it struck me that Bella may not just need tonight to adjust. What if she never wanted me to come back? Would my family choose her over me? Would I choose me over her? No, if she wanted to stay with the Cullens then I would be the one who left. Would I be allowed visits? My heart felt like it was strangling me.

I made my way onto the highway but before I could make the turn to take me toward town, I saw the Jeep. My fists gripped the steering wheel tightly. The knowledge that Bella was so close, on the same road, with only vehicles separating made it impossible to think clearly. I fought the urge to leap from the Volvo and stop the Jeep. To pull her into my arms and never let go. Instead I slowed and pulled off onto the side of the highway. I listened for thoughts when the Jeep drove past but didn't hear anything of interest. They must not have noticed my car. I turned the Volvo around and stalked back toward the house, following far behind the Jeep so as to not be noticed.

I parked the car near the end of our drive, where it would be invisible from the house, and crept by foot toward home, looking for her scent along the way. Once I could see the front of the house and the vampires piling out of the Jeep, the smell of Bella slammed against me and I nearly fell over. I gripped my left wrist and leaned against the back of the tree, willing myself to stay put. The desire to rush to Bella and take her in my arms, to beg her forgiveness, was overwhelming. Once I heard the party make their way inside, I relaxed. I dared to dart closer toward the house and ducked behind the Jeep, listening closely for the voices inside.

"Bella, dear" I heard Carlisle greet her warmly. I locked into his mind, desperately searching the images in his thoughts. There she was. She was a fucking mess, but it was her. Her irises were nearly black, the mark of a new vampire. Her hair was tangled and wild and her clothes were ripped and blood-stained but her face. My God, I had thought her face was perfect before. Now she was a masterpiece. The most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. A sob caught in my throat and I wrapped my arms around my chest. My arms burned with the longing to wrap around Bella, to hold her, but I willed them to stop. I tried to calm myself down.

"_Edward, I know you're out there._" Alice's voice interrupted my viewing Carlisle's thoughts. Damn, I was caught. If Alice knew then surely everyone else did. I wouldn't be allowed to remain this close.

"_Don't worry, Bella isn't onto you. We won't say anything. Just stay with me, I won't take my eyes off of her_." Alice even sounded peppy and childish in her thoughts. My love for her grew in that second, although it had already been pretty monumental.

I laid my head against the Jeep's bumper and closed my eyes and watched Bella, uncomfortably answering the questions my family threw at her. It was the closest to happy I'd been in over five years.

I would wait there quietly, as long as it took. She didn't want me in the house, but she hadn't said anything about me staying in the yard.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6 BPOV

The ride to the Cullen's house was long but peaceful. I stayed on Esme's lap in the back of the Jeep, for space purposes and because I was the most relaxed there that I had been since the change. I closed my eyes and imagined I could sleep. I let my chest move in and out with breath, trying to feel human; specifically, trying to feel like a human child in its mother's arms. Before I knew it, we had arrived at the Cullen's elaborate home in the middle-of-nowhere, Oregon.

Their home was remarkably close to the Pacific Ocean and I could smell the salt water, carried in on the winds that whipped up and over the Oregon cliffs. The house was set nearly a quarter mile off of an obscure road and hidden by trees until about halfway up the drive. Once the house came into view, it made my mouth drop open in awe. It was lit up, warm and inviting. The sentimental part of my heart whispered "home" to me, while my brain cautioned me against feeling this way.

I trusted that Esme and Carlisle had followed through on the plan to make sure Edward was gone but I was still wary as we stepped inside the large foyer. I could sense him everywhere but tried to remind myself that it was because he lived here, not because he was here now. After a series of uncomfortable hugs, from everyone but Rosalie, we sat down in the living room to "catch up" as the Cullens had put it. After a series of insincere questions about their home and where Dr. Cullen was working, I decided to get down to business.

I felt out of place, sitting on their pristine leather sofa, with a very clean and feminine smelling Alice next to me holding my hand and grinning, while I looked like some sort of cave woman with my red, wild eyes. All of the Cullens were staring at me, patiently.

I cleared my throat, "Well, I suppose you all have a lot of questions for me. And I have some for you. So, let me begin by saying thank you for welcoming me into your home and accommodating me. Also, I'm sorry about the couch, I'm probably ruining it but I won't feel comfortable cleaning up until I get some things out."

Carlisle, Alice and Esme all started to reject my apology for the couch but I interrupted them by raising my free hand and smiling as genuinely as I could manage, "You are all as hospitable as you ever were. Let me start by saying…" I paused to gather my thoughts, Alice squeezed my hand in encouragement.

"When you all left Forks, five years ago, I was heartbroken. Obviously, Edward-" I cringed at saying his name, "was the biggest blow but I had come to see you as family. I loved you all, I still do, and your departure – without as much as a word, a _word_, of goodbye…." I trailed off, trying to gather up my emotions and whispered "well, it broke my heart. Into a million pieces."

I looked at the beautiful faces of the Cullens and saw shame. For some reason I cannot justify, their shame made me feel guilty.

"I'm sorry" I said, "I know that this is all in the past but I've been holding onto it for five years. When you left, I nearly lost my mind. I had never felt so rejected, so unworthy. When Edward told me he didn't want me…."

Esme's eyes narrowed, "Edward told you he didn't _want_ you?"

I nodded and pulled my hand out of Alice's grip to nervously push my hair back from my face. "I understand that to Edward I was probably just some boring human and I guess I knew deep down that he would eventually grow tired of me but I didn't expect it to be so soon, and so sudden. I wanted Edward forever. And I had deluded myself into believing he felt the same way. So, I was heartbroken, and it's hard for me to be here. Even now, now that I'm….like you…it's hard to face you because it still hurts. Very much."

Esme spoke first, "Bella. First, let me say that I am shocked at how humanly you are behaving. For a new vampire, only a month old…it's remarkable how much you seem like the old Bella."

"I feel human emotionally, mostly. But physically, I don't feel human at all." Esme nodded at my response and paused before continuing, her voice clear and calm.

"Bella, leaving Forks five years ago was a very hard decision. It was a decision that Edward made and talked the rest of the family into. _Most_ of us" Esme shot a quick glance at Rosalie, "did not want to leave and tried to talk Edward out of it. In the end, though, Edward would not budge and we left with him because he is our son, our brother, and because he thought it was the best thing for _you_. We trusted his judgment on this subject because, Bella, Edward loves you very much. He did then, and he does now. Edward only wanted to protect you by leaving. He was, and still is, obsessed with keeping you safe and he thought being with us, specifically after the events of your birthday party, was the least safe situation you could be in."

I looked at Esme doubtfully. I tried to process her explanation, but it hurt too much to think of what their true intentions must have been. I cleared my mind of what we were talking about and spoke quickly then, trying to move the conversation forward, sounding a bit frantic.

"So, what's next then? I mean, I appreciate you letting me stay here but how long until you need me to leave? I don't know what my plans are for the future as a….vampire….I don't know how to act, I don't know if I want to get a job or finish school… I don't imagine I can do anything until next year when my eyes aren't red anymore.." I trailed off when I noticed their expressions, they looked hurt, or even offended?

Carlisle spoke, "Bella, I understand wanting to avoid Esme's explanation of our departure and I'm sure you don't want to relive the events that lead to your change just yet and I'm fine with hashing the past out later. You must understand, though, you are absolutely part of this family and we have always considered you such – whether or not you want to believe that. Therefore, we would love for you to stay with us for as long as you wish. Whether that is forever, or only until you can move onto school or whatever you'd like to do, is up to you. Our home is your home. We all missed you and are glad to have you back."

My temper flaired. Glad to have me back? _I_ hadn't gone anywhere. _I_ hadn't abandoned anyone. I clenched my fists and fought the rage, the uncontrollable anger that seemed to permeate every inch of my granite skin. Clearly, I had a lot of things to work on as a vampire. Keeping my cool was one of them. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

"I'd like to rest now, if you don't mind. Is there a shower I can use?"

The family looked reluctant to stop our conversation but this making amends stuff would be better suited for later, when I was clean and had time to process where I was. Alice smiled at me and pulled me from the couch.

"We've got a room ready for you. It has its own bathroom. You hop in the shower and I'll find something for you to wear" she smiled, "I think something of Esme's would suit you, since you're so tall but not quite as curvaceous as Rosalie…" she prattled on while dragging me up the stairs to what I assumed was one of a million bedrooms in the enormous house.

Alice was still talking, going on and on about buying me some suitable clothes while I stood behind the closed bathroom door and looked at myself in the mirror. It was the first time I had seen myself, as a vampire, and I was horrified. If I could have cried, I would. Instead, my face grimaced with the trauma of seeing my transformation for the first time and pained sound escaped my throat. My hair, thick and unruly anyways, was knotted and tangled and stood up everywhere. There were sticks and dried leaves and pieces of grass in it. My face was filthy, with large streaks of mud and smaller streaks of animal blood around my mouth and cheeks. I looked into my eyes. They were dark red, the eyes of a monster. I closed them against my image and tried to imagine my human face, how it would look in the mirror. The peach colored skin, the flushed cheeks, the bright human eyes. I looked at my vampire self again. I didn't look like a Cullen vampire, beautiful and pale. I didn't look like a vampire at all. I looked like a zombie. The dark circles under my eyes were purple, the skin sallower and grey.

I grabbed a hairbrush from the bathroom's granite counter and got to work. I took fistfuls of hair at a time and started detangling, from the bottom up. I worked gently, as my new strength could rip the hair right out of my head if I was too diligent. After a half hour or so, my hair was detangled, the bits of forest left on the ground at my feet. It was still a frizzy mess, but it was a start.

I showered next, turning on the water as hot as it would go. I didn't sweat, so it was immensely pleasurable against my skin. I washed my hair and body thoroughly and repeatedly, making sure I was near-squeaky when I got out. I dried off and wrapped large fluffy towels around my body and hair. When I entered the bedroom, Alice was waiting for me on the bed, a pile of clothing options piled neatly toward the foot. She sprung up and hugged me.

"Oh you smell so good. And look at how beautiful you are! I bet it felt great to take a shower. I pulled out some pajamas, and then I pulled out some of Esme's more youthful outfits, since I'm sure you don't want to go around looking like a Mom…" Alice continued talking a mile-a-minute, showing me khaki shorts and t-shirts, flowery skirts and halter tops. I smiled, feeling myself warm against the glow of Alice. She radiated happiness and it was easy to get caught in her web of joy. I laughed and gave a half-hearted groan when she pulled out a pair of lacey pink silk pajamas but I pulled them into the bathroom to change into them anyway. After Alice had hung up and folded away the wardrobe she had borrowed for me, she promised she would take me on that shopping spree soon and hugged me tightly again before leaving me to "get settled in."

Looking around the room, which was clean and crisp with grass-green wallpaper and white luxurious linens on the king-sized bed, I wondered how I had gone a whole month without the feeling of a home and its comforts. It seemed every day I became more human and the more that happened, the more I wanted it. I got to work quickly, reliving my human habits of getting ready for bed. I brushed my teeth, which was a bizarre feeling in my hard mouth. I brushed my hair again, gathered the wilderness I carried in with me from the floor in the bathroom and threw it in the stainless steel trash can, and then laid out an outfit for the next day. When that was finished, I pulled back the covers in the bed and climbed in. The bed sank in but I did not get the relief I would have gotten a month ago from sinking into a comfortable bed. Lying, sitting, or standing, my new body didn't seem to notice the difference. I lay there with an uneasy feeling. Here I was, ready for bed but unable to truly go to bed. What would I do tonight? The alarm clock already said it was four a.m.

I hopped back out of the bed and returned the covers to their made-up position. I made my way to a large-paned window that faced the back of the house. Next to the window was a bookshelf, lined with the classics, and a white overstuffed chair with a green throw over the back. I turned a faux antique crank to pull open the window so that the ocean air would come in. Then I snapped on a lamp next to the chair, unnecessary with my new eyesight but the yellow glow was comforting anyhow. I wrapped the green throw around my shoulder, plucked "Pride and Prejudice" from the bookshelf and curled up to read. Having not ready anything since the change, I was thrilled to find out that I read at least twice as fast as I had before and soon I was lost in my favorite love story, devouring it as though it were new to me although I had read it at least six times as a human.

A while into reading, my senses suddenly perked. The side of my face facing the window tingled slightly, my hearing focused and I began sniffing the air. These heightened senses came suddenly and unconsciously and I stored away the excitement at discovering this new quirk later. For now, I needed to focus on the certain fact that right now, somebody was watching me from the yard.


	7. Chapter 7

Hi everyone who actually reads this little story of mine! I'm sorry it took a while to update. I always write this on my breaks at work and work has been craaaazy the past week. Boo for having real lives :) I want to thank everyone so much for your kind comments. I can't believe people are even reading something I wrote, not to mention taking the time to write reviews! Special shout out to Trumarine :)

Here is Chapter 7, next chapter will be up shortly!

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Chapter 7 EPOV

I sat frozen on the balcony, praying the wind would blow in the other direction and keep my scent away from the window where Bella had just stiffened. I could just barely see the side of her face; luckily, she seemed to be looking into the yard for her peeping tom and not toward the third floor balcony a few windows down. I was squatting in the corner closest to the house, wishing I could move even an inch closer to her, her body pulling me like a magnet. I willed myself still and waited her out.

Bella tensed and stood up. She walked away from her window. I panicked when I couldn't see her and leaned over the edge of the railing, straining to see where she had gone, trying to decide how dangerous it would be to make the leap from this balcony to hers, to close the distance that was burning a hole in my chest. Suddenly, her balcony door flew open and she was there, facing me. There was nothing between Bella and I but a gap between balconies and a three story fall.

I froze. For a long second, the shock of seeing her had numbed me but then, overwhelmingly, everything I had felt for the last five years came barreling back to my conscious and I began to tremble. Bella looked like an angel. She had been cleaned up and dressed in some silky pink ensemble which was Alice's idea; I had seen the fashion parade in my mind. Her hair was nearly black, still damp from showering. She smelled so strongly now, of vanilla and apricots, and the air was shuffling thick strands of her hair around her head and saturating the air between us with that scent.

I couldn't speak or move; I only stood and studied her face for any indication of what I should do next. Her face was flat but her eyes were alive, considering. She looked at once afraid, hurt and relieved. And finally, after painful moments of silence, she breathed the first word, from the mouth I had been dreaming of for five years.

"_Edward_"

In an instant I was off the balcony, my body exploding with the need to be closer. The leap took an instant but felt like an eternity. I landed softly, a mere four feet in front of Bella. I could see every bit of her now, the shape of her brow, the color of her lips. I stood perfectly still, waiting for her response. She looked shocked and puzzled by my closeness. Her eyes shimmered, pleading for something.

"I never thought I'd see you again." Her voice was flat, leaving me completely at a loss for how to interpret this. I couldn't tell if she was being sarcastic, if she was relieved, or if she was just stating a fact. I waited, fighting the urge to reach out.

Bella took a hesitant step closer, examining me with her weary eyes as though she was seeing a ghost, or an apparition. Once she was within half an arm's length she reached up and placed a hand on my chest, looking at her hand in wonderment the whole time. I stared at her eyes and I willed her silently to meet my gaze. Then she did, our eyes bore into each other, five years absent from one another and anxious to make up the time. Being this close to Bella, with her touching me and then looking into my eyes made me lose all the control I had been hanging onto. In one swift movement, I pressed my body against hers, her small hand now wedged between my chest and her shoulder. I wove my hand through her damp hair and put my forehead to hers. "My love" I whispered.

The next thing I knew, I was flying backwards. I wasn't sure what was happening until my body slammed into a large tree in the middle of the yard, cracking the trunk at the bottom. I shook off my confusion and hopped up right as the tree began to groan towards the ground. I stood and stared at the tree in disbelief. Bella had _pushed_ me. Little clumsy Bella had _shoved me across the yard_. In my disbelief, I let out a hysterical laugh. When I turned back toward the house, a proud smile on my face, she was already coming after me.

Bella had my shirt in her small fists before I could even wipe the smile off of my face. "_My Love_?!" she screamed, inches from my face. I flinched at her anger, shocked that this screeching sound was coming from Bella. The human Bella barely raised her voice, this was something else. This was wild, new vampire Bella and if I was physically able, I may have soiled myself from the shock of it.

I put my hands up in surrender, hoping she would let go and back off. I certainly didn't want to have to remove her. Even if she did seem like a vile demon at this moment, physically handling Bella was something I couldn't imagine having to do.

"Bella," I started as calmly as I could muster, "clearly we have a lot to talk about. I know you have a lot of….anger issues with me and we can work that out in a non-_aggressive_ manner if you would, please, remove my clothing from your grasp." I glanced past her enraged expression and noticed that the entire Cullen clan, including Velia and Roshus, had now joined us on the lawn and were watching this exchange. Most stood with their mouths hanging wide open, Emmett and Jasper were giggling like stupid girls and whispering to each other. Great.

Bella didn't say anything, still glared at me but I could see the contemplation in her eyes. She was deciding whether to yell or to talk like civilized adults and I stood there, unwilling to defend myself, praying she would calm down. Next, Bella stopped contemplating, and with a new determination drew back a small white power-house fist and punched me, right across my face. My head snapped right with the blow, a force that would have ripped the jaw off the face of a human man. I heard gasps from the crowd and when Bella threw my body to the ground, I didn't move to get up.

Esme rushed to my side, knowing I wouldn't be in much, if any, physical pain but still worried for my well-being anyhow. Carlisle was holding Bella's arm and speaking in a fatherly hush. Everyone else still watched. I could hear bits of disbelief and amusement streaming from their minds but I tried to keep it all blocked out.

I gave Esme a small smile and stood. I looked over to Bella, now surrounded by the family, listening to their words of encouragement and questions with her arms folded across her chest. Her eyes seemed filled with remorse and embarrassment for acting against me physically but I felt no sympathy for her. This creature was a monster, and she had stolen my Bella from me. Bella had been stubborn but she wasn't _violent_. This couldn't be blamed on her newborn status either. She didn't insatiably hunt humans, she could speak in a normal fashion, could express gratitude…no, this was the vampire that Bella had become and this is all she would ever be. My Bella was lost, and I had mourning to do.

I zipped my jacket, ran my fingers through my hair and spoke, with as little emotion as I could muster, "I apologize, Bella, I should have stayed away as you requested. I was under this grand delusion that you would still be someone that you clearly are not. Not all of us hold on to the best parts of ourselves when we change." As I turned away to walk out toward the ocean, I caught a glimpse of horror and fear on Bella's face.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8 BPOV

"_Bella, I understand you are upset, but surely you know that this kind of violence…"_

"_Holy shit, I've never seen _sassy_ Bella before, did you see her right hook!?"_

"_Jasper, will you go after Edward? At least find out where he's going…"_

"_Damn Bella girl, you got balls!"_

The chatter of the family swirled around my head but I only heard one thing, one voice. Edward's. Edward telling me that I was not the same Bella he had known. Edward telling me, once again, that he did not want me. Not as I was. The hurt and anger tangoed in my stomach. My Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde existed simultaneously, fighting it out with one another and I was not sure, standing there, who was going to win.

Clearly I had crossed a line by getting physical…I suppose "getting physical" is a bit mild…I was out of line by kicking Edward's ass…but I _wanted_ to hurt him. I wanted to hurt him as much as he had hurt me five years ago and every second since then, but I didn't know how to hurt him with words. When I opened my mouth, when I looked at him, my natural instinct was to adore him. To worship him the way I always had although he didn't deserve it. So, I did the only thing I could: I had shown him how I really felt with my new-found strength but clearly that was backfiring. I had not succeeded in making any point to him, I only felt worse and now he had said what was hardest to hear. He was hurting me again. Edward would be hurting me for the rest of my life, which was apparently going to be a very long time, unless I faced him now. And so I took a step forward.

"_You. Mother. Fucker_." I sneered at his back. He stopped and slowly turned back toward me.

"Such language, Bella. How unfitting for a lady to speak that way." He said patronizingly, matching my tone.

I stalked closer to him, "How dare you make any assumptions about who I am as a vampire. I may be dead, Edward - just like you - but I am still myself. This is exactly who I was before I was left to die in that cave. I'm angry and bitter and _you_ are the one who made me that way." Edward stood staring at me. I saw sorrow flash in his eyes and his angry stance loosened slightly.

"Bella-" he started.

"No! I'm not finished yet. You have got a lot of nerve, Mr. Cullen, to come prancing to the window _against my wishes _and try to make things, what, like they were before? Before you abandoned me, discarded me and left me to the wolves and Victoria and whoever the hell did this to me?" I was mere feet from him now. I stood on my toes to match his height, a vain attempt but I was trying my best to make myself look as large as I felt. Edward was perfectly still, his face filled anguish, possibly guilt. Good. I hoped he felt guilty.

"Bella, I would appreciate some privacy in these matters. Could we please discuss this elsewhere, perhaps with our emotions under a bit more control?" Edward looked defeated. And pathetic. My anger dissolved.

"You know what, Edward, no. I'm done speaking with you. I don't care what you do. Stay or go. Just leave me alone. I'll try not to stay too long, so in the meantime, why don't you go ahead and pretend I'm not here. I'm sure that won't be too hard, since I'm clearly not now or ever have been who you were hoping for." I turned around and stalked back toward the house. A wide eyed Alice turned and followed me.

Back in the guest bedroom, I sat down at the edge of the bed and Alice wrapped her delicate arms around me, pulling her cold fingers through my hair.

"I can't believe Edward said such terrible things to you, Bella." She was shaking her head and staring at me in disbelief.

"Neither can I, actually." I looked at Alice's beautiful topaz eyes and smiled as sweetly as I could manage.

"And _you_!" she started, "I can't believe you…._hit_ him! And told him off! You were ferocious!" Alice laughed, the sound the bells or angels or fairies and I was instantly cheered. I laughed too.

"Maybe he's right about me not being the old Bella."

"Well if he is, I'm really kind of digging the new kick-ass vampire Bella" Alice giggled. "I guess I'll let you get some rest…unless you need to talk?" she prodded, clearly hoping I _would_ want to talk.

I grinned at her, "Alice, there is nothing to talk about. There never was."

Alice left me then. Not long after she shut the door behind her, I caught a whiff of Edward as he stalked quietly past my room toward his own down the hall. He didn't slow down near my door, he didn't pause, he didn't care and I would do my best to match his sentiment. I stretched across the bed and held a large fluffy Egyptian-cotton-covered down pillow against my body and prayed I could manage the not caring part soon.

EPOV

"I'm an idiot. I get it." I was perched at the edge of the black leather couch, my head in my hands with Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie standing over me. The Holy Fucking Trinity.

Rosalie shifted her hands from her hips and crossed her arms over her chest, cackling. "Oh no Edward, I don't think you _really_ get it just yet. Let's give Edward a little summary of events, shall we?" she raised an eyebrow at Emmett who grinned, thoroughly enjoying Rosalie's delight.

"First, you meet a human girl and cannot manage to keep your filthy, icy hands off of her, despite the pleas and warnings from your very sensible, loving, incredibly attractive family members. In other words, me, your sister Rosalie."

Emmett snickered. It still amazed me that love could blind anyone to Rosalie's obnoxious ways.

Pleased with herself, Rosalie continued, "You eventually leave her, despite loving her to the point of absolute obsession, convincing yourself and all of us that uprooting and leaving Forks, our favorite place in the world, was the best thing for Bella's _safety_."

"That's right" Jasper chimed in and I shot him a bitter glance for participating in this charade, "but you didn't leave her alone at all. You spent months tracking around Forks, trying to catch whiff of Victoria, still trying to protect Bella from a distance. You completely shut out your family who had made this sacrifice for you; you forced Alice to stop trying to see Bella's future, the stress of which has prohibited her from seeing anything since." I winced at the reminder of Alice's condition.

Rosalie continued "Then you moved us here and for the past three years you have been acting like a wounded child, depressed, driving us all nuts with your cryptic piano music and your attitude problem."

"Yeah, and you wouldn't even listen to reason when we tried to tell you it was time to go back to her, man. It hurt us to see you hurting like that, missing Bella. Your hostility is through the roof. You even curse like a sailor now." Emmett chuckled at the reference to my new taste for unrefined language.

"Mhmm and you've never found Victoria. You apparently stopped keeping tabs on Bella because, surprise, she's an effing _vampire_, and now you feel guilty because you realize you were _wrong_ about everything - as you should you Moron - but by some miracle you've been given a chance to be near her again. Bella has been changed and delivered to you on a goddamn silver platter and it could have been perfect. She doesn't need your protection, she would grow to just need your love-" Rosalie spoke.

"If-" Jasper interjected, "you had only obeyed Bella's wishes and given her time."

"Instead!" Rosalie directed her amused tone to Jasper now, "he does not listen to what Bella wants or needs, he decides to hop up to her balcony like some deranged Romeo and ends up getting _beat down_ by his once puny in-need-of-protection-poor-human girlfriend."

"So at this point, it's still probably salvageable. She beat you up but you had that coming. You could have kept your mouth shut. It would have taken time but maybe you could have eventually pulled this Edward and Bella star-crossed lovers thing off. But nooo." Rosalie leaned in towards me, poking my temple with her index finger. I numbingly accepted this humiliation with no response. "Edward suddenly becomes the jackass of the century and says some unbelievably crass, mean, heartless…what was it you said?"

"He said she was different-" Emmett said

"He said she was not the Bella he had loved before." Jasper sighed

"He _basically _ told her that as a vampire, she is not good enough for him. It sounds a lot like the lie you fed her the first time Edward. As a human she wasn't quite good enough for you either, was she?"

Emmett sat down on the couch next to me, now serious "Why did you say that Edward? We all know you didn't mean it. What got into you?" He threw a huge hand on my shoulder and waited for my response.

I sighed and flopped back onto the couch, running my fingers through my hair. "I don't know why I said that. Of course I didn't mean it. I was just angry. Angry that I didn't protect Bella from being attacked, angry that I wasn't there with her this whole time, angry at whoever _did_ that to her, angry at her for not loving me anymore…of course she's the same Bella. She's better now. She's strong. What am I supposed to do, fall down at her feet and worship her? I want to but she'll think I'm pathetic. I _am_ pathetic."

Rosalie snorted, "You've got that right."

Emmett raised his eyebrows. "I've never seen you like this. You've got it bad, bro."

Rosalie slipped into Emmett's lap and sighed. "Well, you're just going to have to fix it."

"Tell me how. I'll do whatever it takes." They all started to chuckle as they all came to the same conclusion. I groaned when I heard their thoughts.

"Dude," Jasper said grinning, "you are going to have to nice the _hell_ out of her."


	9. Chapter 9

**Oh my goodness gracious ladies, I cannot believe you all are reading and enjoying my story. Thank you so much for your kind comments, it means the whole wide world to me. (Obviously, I have no rights to anything Twilight-related.)

Chapter 9 EPOV

Operation "Charm Bella" was well underway. At the advice of my siblings, I had left her alone for nearly two weeks. Although I found complete avoidance incredibly difficult, Alice had insisted that it was what Bella needed.

I had spent these two weeks locked in my room, reading the minds of my family members. I followed Bella everywhere she went, watched her expressions through everyone else's eyes. When she spoke with Carlisle about missing Charlie, I fretted. When she laughed at Emmett and her beautiful face lit up with joy, my heart soared. I chuckled at her stubbornness and rejoiced in her growth as a vampire. It was a lonely two weeks but watching Bella was still the most fascinating hobby I'd ever developed and thus I found myself immensely entertained. After ten days observing everyone else renew their relationships with her, however, I demanded that I be allowed to leave my room, to be near her again. I could foresee myself becoming a jealous monster if I had to watch from the sidelines much longer. I wanted to start the journey down this long and tedious road that would hopefully lead to Bella's renewed trust in me.

Alice was standing in my walk-in closet, shirts and slacks piled at her feet. "Why are all your clothes so similar, Edward? How many black t-shirts does one man need? Who are you, Simon Cowell?" She huffed and pulled out a purple button-up, her eyes lighting up as she held it up in suggestion. She had gotten me the shirt a few years ago for Christmas, the last time she had thrown a fit about my wardrobe. I had worn the shirt my obligatory one time, at her New Year's Gala that year, and seeing it again made me cringe internally.

"Alice, maybe it isn't necessary to dress up just to reintroduce myself to walking around the house…" I prayed I could mask my resentment for the purple shirt. I knew Alice didn't think I was a slob, she didn't usually comment much on my clothing – because although they weren't as flashy as she preferred, they were at least by designers she approved of. She was, however, showing a very strong disdain for my selections today, buzzing with nervousness and excitement for me. I tried to be patient and remind myself of her good intentions.

Alice sighed and quickly began hanging clothes back onto hangers and folding them onto shelves. Her small, agile hands made quick work of the chore and in an instant the closet looked as if it had never been on the receiving end of Alice's ambush. She grabbed an armful of t-shirts, all plain, and flung them across the room at me. I sat perfectly still, the shirts dangled over my head and shoulders. She giggled when she looked at me and then put on her best "serious Alice" face.

"If you insist on looking like a slob, at least look like a slob in Calvin Klein." She said curtly.

I gathered the three shirts in my hands, all plain T-shirts. "Which color?" I asked, holding up the three shirts; black, white and grey.

Alice rolled her eyes, "Who cares? They're all as bad as the next." She watched me carefully as I shrugged and pulled the white t-shirt over my head. As I was tugging it over my chest, I heard a high-pitched "harrumph" from the closet. Sighing, I muttered, "Let me guess, you would not have chosen the white T-shirt."

She shrugged, eyeing a pile of jeans carefully, "I would at least go middle-ground with the grey one, if it was me…but like I said: it doesn't matter which boring plain t-shirt you choose."

I chuckled and quickly switched out the shirts. Alice had tossed a pair of "fashionably worn" jeans on the bed for me and put away the two rejected t-shirts before leaving me to finish getting ready. With Alice gone, I slipped out of the flannel night pants I had been wearing for two weeks and pulled on the jeans, rolling my eyes at the realization of how snug they were in the seat. I ran my hands through my hair; thankful Alice hadn't mentioned doing anything with it and exited the bedroom for the first time.

After sneaking out my window in the middle of the night to go hunting for two weeks, walking down the curved staircase of the mansion felt downright luxurious. I slowly crept down toward the den. The entire family was there, lounging and reading or playing chess. Bella was sitting on the couch, knees to chest, laughing with Esme. I didn't realize I had stopped walking to revel in her laughter until a feeling of dread interrupted my thoughts. I was going to walk in there and ruin it, the time she was spending with my family. I considered turning around but decided that this had to be done. Right now I was in the negative as far as Bella's feelings for me were concerned and I had to at least get to a neutral ground if I had any chance of winning her back. I took the final few steps toward the door and stepped down into the room, as casually as possible.

Bella's eyes snapped to me and then down to her lap, suddenly finding a ring on her right middle finger fascinating. Everyone had tensed minutely when I entered and were trying to stay focused on the tasks at hand. Emmett was so nervous I actually heard "playing chess, playing chess, playing chess" from his thoughts as he sat staring at a knight poised between his fingers. Carlisle looked completely relaxed across from him, waiting patiently for Emmett to make his move. Carlisle smiled at me, "Edward, how good of you to join us. You're just in time to play winner, Emmett is very close to losing." I chuckled, relieved for somewhere to go and strode across the room to take a seat near the game. When I passed, Bella glanced up at me again and I nodded as politely as possible, trying not to look anything but friendly and casual.

Bella was biting her lip, still staring at her hands. She looked like she was desperate for an excuse to leave the room. I saw this as a good sign; at least she was feigning politeness and not just storming away from me. She finally croaked hoarsely to Alice, "Um, Alice, I have a…jacket? It, um…doesn't have a label and I thought maybe you could pinpoint the brand for me…it's just I like it so much I was thinking maybe we could go shopping and, uh, get another one…you know, but a different color?" she paused but no one was responding, Alice sat staring at Bella, her face alight with amusement and disbelief. Bella fumbled when she didn't receive a response, "well see it's…green now but I think maybe…a black one would be nice to have…or even red, you know, to match my eyes!" she let out a hysterical laugh and looked at Alice desperately.

Alice shook her head quickly, snapping herself into action. "Of course Bella!" she squealed, skipping across the room to pull Bella off the couch, "let's go take a look at that jacket right now!" Looking relieved, Bella cast another quick glance in my direction as she was led out of the room. I knew I had a look of complete amusement on my face but didn't make any attempt to change it, widening my smile when she looked at me. My girl, she may not stumble over her feet anymore but she could certainly stumble over her words.

After Bella and Alice left, the rest of us just sat there and looked at each other, eyebrows raised around the room. Rosalie broke the silence with a snort and started giggling uncontrollably, holding a pillow over her mouth so Bella wouldn't hear from upstairs. Slowly, everyone but me broke down in response to her laughter, Esme the last to give in, chuckling quietly while complaining, "Stop laughing at poor Bella!"

Jasper stopped chuckling, "I don't think we're trying to make fun of her, Esme…it's more like we're reveling in her charm."

At this assessment, I cracked and laughed too. Yes, Bella was certainly charming.

BPOV

"Oh God, they're laughing." Alice and I had just entered my bedroom. I shut my door and lay my head against it, resting a hand to my forehead, "That was so embarrassing." The last two weeks had been torture, not knowing when he would come down from that cave of his, wondering what he was doing up there all alone, and eventually I tried to convince myself to try and ignore his obvious absence. When he showed up in the family room, I had forgotten to be angry and just felt humiliated at the sight of him.

"They are laughing out of love, Bella! You're funny!" Alice threw open my closet door and looked at me mockingly, "now, where is this pesky green jacket?"

I rolled my eyes at her and flopped onto the bed. "I just wasn't expecting…him to come down from his room today. It threw me off guard. I mean, I knew I would see him sooner or later but…" I groaned and threw a pillow over my face, "I sounded like an idiot, didn't I?"

Alice perched at the edge of the bed and snatched the pillow away. "No, you did not sound like an idiot…you sounded like a _liar_, but no one is going to hold that against you." She smiled and flopped down beside me.

"Bella, I've been trying to avoid this subject because I'm so glad to have you back in _my_ life that I don't want to upset you and ruin it but…do you think you'll ever be able to forgive Edward?" I groaned and started to get up from the bed but she held my shoulder and positioned herself directly in front of me, legs folded under her. Her eyes were as big as physically possible and full of sorrow.

I looked down at my knees and spoke, "Alice, this isn't something I can talk about…I mean, do you know how hard it is just to be in the same house with him? Christ, he walked into the room and I started spewing nonsense and panicking to get out of there. It kills me to be near him. And it hurts-" I looked up at her and she was smiling slightly and looking over my shoulder out into space. I snapped my fingers in front of her eyes, "Alice? Pouring my heart and soul out here?"

"Sorry Bella, I'm trying not to think about what we're talking about." When I raised an offended eyebrow she rushed, "oh no, I mean I'm trying to think _over_ what we're talking about, so no one can get in there." She grinned and tapped her temple with her index finger.

My eyes widened with the horror of this revelation. Edward could _hear_ me and _see _me through everyone's thoughts. I thought I'd had two weeks of adjustment time without him but he had been there, the whole time, stalking me with his creepy bastard mind. Why hadn't I thought of this before?

I jumped up from the bed, "Has he been watching me? Like, on purpose?!" I demanded of Alice.

Wide-eyed, Alice got up from the bed with her hands up to calm me, "Bella, don't get upset. Of course he's not watching you on purpose, that would be a _total_ invasion of your privacy." She paused, grimacing, "but he may, you know, _accidentally_ hear something once in a while so that's why I was concentrating, to make sure he definitely did not hear when we talked about him."

I narrowed my eyes suspiciously. "Okay," I agreed, "I'm sorry I overreacted…it's just frustrating…I can't get far enough away from him but I can't get close enough either. I _hate_ him but my body _calls_ for him. And now he's following me in minds…it's too intense for me." Realizing I'd said too much, I brushed past her and sat back down on the bed. If I was physically able, I would have blushed at revealing my desire to be near Edward. I glanced at Alice, wondering if she thought I was silly but she was staring at me in wide-eyed shock.

I gave her a puzzled look. When she spoke her voice was soft and high. "Um, Bella? I wasn't really expecting you to say that, so I didn't block it…and I hear Edward coming up the stairs so I assume he heard you…so I'm going to go ahead and go now." She raced toward the window and hopped out to the balcony and was gone.

I closed my eyes and groaned. Please don't let it be true, I really did not want to see him right-

Knock knock.

"Crap." I didn't bother to keep my "crap" in my head where Edward couldn't access it. I strode over and swung the door open.

There he was, the perfect dead gentleman: hands behind his back, eyebrows raised, pleasant smile on his face and my goodness did he look good in those jeans…I quickly drew my eyes away from his bottom half and to his face. With the phoniest smile I could muster I said, "Yes, Edward? Do you need something?"

His smile warmed, impossibly far from being phony like mine, and I did a little bit of secret melting at the sight of it but kept my face perfectly still and bitter as he spoke, "I'm sorry to interrupt you and….oh, I thought Alice was here," He leaned in casually, looking for Alice, purposely putting his chest within easy reaching, stroking, kissing distance of me. I rolled my eyes at the bastard; he knew very well Alice wasn't in here. "Anyway, I just wanted to apologize if I made you uncomfortable by showing up unexpectedly earlier. I've just been away from my family for a while and, well, I missed them a little bit." He darted his eyes from the floor and straight into mine. We stood for a moment, looking at one another, waiting for someone to speak. It was getting uncomfortable. Pull away Bella, say something, say something…my mouth parted slightly but the feeling of my lips moving just reminded me of kissing and then I was thinking about kissing Edward and my eyes broke the gaze with his eyes and jumped down to his perfect mouth.

I swallowed, audibly and ripped my gaze from his face to the floor. "Um…that is considerate of you, to consider my, um…feelings about that and I… thanks." Oh my God, I should have just started drooling and saying "green jacket" over and over, that would have sounded more intelligent.

Edward pursed his lips together, trying not to laugh at my babbling and caught my gaze again, his eyes lit up with affection. How could he look at me like that after all the hurt he caused? How can I stand here and have to fight the urge to wrap myself around him and kiss him? I should not want to kiss Edward. Edward hurt me. Edward is a asshole and an abandoner. Edward is licking his lips and looking into my eyes. Ah fuck it, it's just one kiss, we'll work the rest out later. I gripped the side of the door and took an impatient step toward him, eager to press my mouth to his, just as Edward pulled back into the hallway. I froze, now awkwardly leaning out through the doorway.

Edward's polite smile grew bigger and he nearly whispered, "Goodnight, Bella."


	10. Chapter 10

***Hi everyone! This is by far the longest chapter I have written for this story. I was having so much fun I couldn't stop! Thank you to everyone for reading, and for the wonderful comments!

**Chapter 10 BPOV**

I stared at Edward from the doorway where I had just moved to kiss him, stunned at his polite rejection. I shook my head as he turned and started to depart to his bedroom. "Son of a bitch" I muttered, then thought of Esme and sent her a silent apology.

I was just a toy to Edward. He heard me confess that I'm still attracted to him and he ran up here to tease me, like I'm some sort of goddamn yorkie and he's a delicious, tempting, irresistible piece of meat. I stood in the doorway, minutes after his absence, considering this whole situation.

I was no longer an eighteen year old girl in love with a mysterious vampire. I may be a bit of a bumbling idiot, but I was certainly no longer naïve. When Edward left me, I was broken and bitter but eventually I was just _callous_ and bitter. I had gone to school and experienced life the best I knew how. I had a few meaningless flings with human men, never growing attached to them, and eventually breaking off what was usually only a sexual relationship because I was not one to get involved _like that_. Just because Edward popped back into my suddenly-extended life and made me feel all of those romantic, magnetic, earth-moving bullshit feelings I thought I had become incapable of did not mean I should let myself become the smitten, driveling, vapid idiot I had been suppressing for the past five years.

I was going to have to become the biggest bitch imaginable. I knew I had it in me; I had rolled my eyes at plenty of young men who had woken me in their dorm room beds with too tender a kiss. You should never, ever fall asleep afterwards. It gives them ideas.

I knew exactly who I had to become to survive. I had to not care, so that his rejections didn't hurt me _and_ so that I didn't lose my temper with him. Eventually being a heartless bitch would be so ingrained in me, I could just numb myself to the Edwardless eternity that awaited me and move on. I closed my eyes, knowing what I had to do. I headed out of my room to go find Rosalie.

***

Rosalie and Emmett were on the porch swing. She had her curvaceous legs thrown over his lap and they were giggling about something. When she saw me approach she raised an eyebrow and gave me an expectant smile. "Hi, Bella, need something?" Rosalie and I had gotten along fine since I returned as a vampire. I was no longer a threat to her family, a weak human who might run my mouth or get myself killed, so she no longer acted with animosity toward me. Mostly, she just seemed amused by me and my drama with Edward. We certainly were nothing close to friends, but it was what it was. I smiled, as sincerely as possible. "Rosalie, I need your help with something. Can we talk?"

Rosalie eyed me suspiciously but was intrigued enough to remove herself from Emmett. She took his hand, never removing her eyes from my face, "Emmett, if anyone asks you haven't seen me or Bella for a while." She smiled and started walking toward the woods. Emmett had a doubtful look on his face but nodded to me and I turned to follow Rosalie.

A hundred yards or so in, once we were hidden by trees, Rosalie stopped and sat on a stump, stretching her long ivory legs out in front of her casually. "So, Bella, what can I do for you?"

Unsure of how to approach this without totally offending her, I just bit the bullet and jumped in head first, "Well, you're kind of a bitch, right?" I bit my lip and waited for her to rush me but she never did. She cocked her beautiful head to one side, causing her long blonde curls to swing beneath her chin and said, "Some may consider that an accurate term to describe me." She was looking at me, waiting for me to continue.

"OK, so…I need to become like you. Since I've been here, I've been wearing all of my emotions on my sleeve and I need to not care about things."

"What makes you think I don't _care_ about things, Bella?" Rosalie eyes looked slightly wounded but otherwise she didn't move an inch. "I'm probably the person in my family least in control of my emotions. What can I do to help you?"

"I know you are…passionate…but there is this quality about you, this nonchalant callous edge to you that I want to embody. Because when you don't care, it is perfectly clear. And I want it to be clear, to everyone, that _I_ don't care."

Rosalie hopped up and stood a mere foot from me. She pulled a section of my hair over the front of my shoulder and began braiding it, not looking me in the face. The closeness to her wrung my nerves and although I knew she was pretty much zero threat to me now, I still tensed and fought the urge to flee. Rosalie looked into my eyes, so close to my face we could have kissed. I wondered how many men and women would love to trade me places, to be inches from the mouth of the most alluring woman I had ever seen. Rosalie began whispering, still threading locks of my hair between her fingers, unbraiding them and then starting over.

"Bella, I'm going to speak to you bluntly now. Edward cannot hear us. I became _very _good at blocking him from my thoughts when I first became a vampire. There were a lot of things in my head back then that I could not let him hear; it would have destroyed my pride." She studied my eyes, her fingers threading and threading, making me miss the comforting human sensation of having your hair touched.

"O-Okay" I stuttered, trying desperately not to appear as nervous as I felt.

"So, I want to tell you something about Edward now that I have you alone." She smirked before continuing, "Edward is an idiot." I raised my eyebrows, waiting for her to continue. Surely we weren't sharing this intimate moment hidden away in the forest so she could state the obvious.

During the pause, her face became sincere, "He may be trying to appear collected in your presence but he is a mess around you. An absolute idiotic mess and he's willing to do _anything_ to win you back. You should see him. He's always been so independent and stoic but since you returned he's become this needy child, constantly obsessing – to everyone - over what he can do to earn your love. I guess he realizes his instincts when it comes to you have always been moronic and he's willing to look like an idiot to get it right this time."

I considered this and found it utterly absurd. "Rosalie, I don't know if he has you fooled but Edward has made it quite clear – for five years and also in the present – that I am not worthy of his attention. He's obviously playing games with me, for some reason I still cannot fathom, and all I want is to make it clear that his charades are not _getting_ to me."

Rosalie considered this and opened her mouth to respond but changed her mind, shifting her eyes down to my hair. After a long moment she stopped braiding and stepped back. We now stood within arm's reach but not quite so cozy and I felt myself relax at the new distance.

"If you feel that way, Bella- that Edward is playing games with you – then why don't you play some of your own? I've told you, he would do absolutely anything for you. Try him out; make him do your bidding. There's nothing Edward hates more than a princess and you know that." She smirked. "So, be one. Use Edward the way you think he's using you. Maybe you'll come to see that we're telling you the truth about Edward's feelings for you. Worst case scenario, you get what you want. Edward will think you're a vapid bitch who doesn't care for him at all."

I felt there must be something wrong with Rosalie's logic but I couldn't find anything so I smiled at her, "I'm going to need ideas of how to execute this crazy plan of yours."

Rosalie grinned and laced her arm through mine, leading us back out of the forest. "Well, I personally get sick of paint color every few months and insist that Emmett redo the walls."

I nodded and returned her grin. She gave a mockingly whimsical sigh, "You know, Bella, I think you and I could actually be friends some day."

I laughed, "Well you did just braid my hair while we were talking about boys. We're practically best girlfriends already."

Rosalie snorted but kept smiling, pronouncing brightly, "Practically."

**EPOV**

I stared at Bella in shock. I was pretty sure she had just addressed me without being prompted, I'm pretty sure she was smiling anxiously _and_ I'm pretty sure she was wearing a very short denim skirt and a tight yellow blouse that undoubtedly came from Alice's closet. However, I was finding all of this hard to accept. I blinked, twice. Three times. Nope, this was happening.

Wrinkling my forehead, I stammered, "I apologize, Bella, did you say something?" I tried to keep my eyes away from her "outfit" and on her face.

Bella raked a hand through her bafflingly shiny hair and repeated, "I was hoping to ask a favor of you."

I had not seen Bella since yesterday afternoon, when I had stopped by her room to apologize and we'd had that _moment_. That moment when I was sure Bella was moving in to either punch me again or kiss me and I had backed away, panicking. There was no chance my plan to be very nice to her had worked so quickly and thus I had no clue what she was playing at. I spent the rest of the evening locked in my room, looking for Bella in everyone's minds but not seeing any glimpse of her after she had been on the porch chatting with Emmett and Rosalie about god-knows-what.

This morning Alice was humming three blind mice over and over to block out whatever she and Bella were doing in her room together but I know it involved _giggling_, of all things; I could hear it echoing down the stairs. Alice had told me she would only block me from her interactions with Bella if it was private and I secretly hoped she was finding out what Bella had been thinking yesterday.

Emmett and I had gone out to tinker with his Jeep until the afternoon. When we came in from the garage, Bella was walking toward us, beaming. Emmett's mouth dropped open and he quickly punched me in the arm, as though to make sure I was paying attention to this vision of Bella approaching us. Uh, yeah, like my attention would be _anywhere_ else.

Then she was smiling, like we were simply old friends, and asking me for a _favor_.

I didn't stop to consider this new Bella or what motives she could possibly have, I instantly blurted, "_Anything_" and then regretted how urgent and intense my response must have sounded.

Bella smiled even brighter but her eyes betrayed a moment of doubt. She twisted her hair in her hands nervously and said "Great! Well, I'm getting a little bit sick of that green wall color in my room, is there any way I could get you to take care of that for me?" Her eyes narrowed, scrutinizing my response.

"Paint you room? Um, yeah, I don't see why I couldn't…take care of that for you." I shoved my hands in my pockets to try to look casual. I smiled. Well, grimaced mostly, but I tried.

Bella nodded. "Great!" she said again, too brightly.

"So have you picked out a color?" I asked.

"No, I haven't. I was sort of hoping you could…take care of that too. Something calming, lighter than the green. Tranquil?" She looked nervously at Emmett, probably finding his dumbfounded expression unsettling. I certainly would.

"Ok, well why don't we take a trip to the paint store then? I'll help you pick out something perfect." I watched her response to this. She looked unsure but finally agreed with, "Let's go."

Bella walked past us toward the back, where the Volvo was parked in the garage. Emmett looked at me, punched me on the arm again. I looked at him wide-eyed, shook my head and walked after her, taking time to notice the back of the denim skirt before forcing myself to concentrate on the coming awkward trip, alone in the car with Bella. I decided it was probably a good idea to not get caught gawking at her magnificent body, wrapped in those feminine clothing. I scolded myself silently for acting like a seventeen year old boy.

Of course I _was_, in a way, a seventeen year old boy but I had been such for a very long time and never had any sort of unseemly thoughts about women. Rosalie was supposedly the most physically attractive woman most people had ever seen but she never interested me, even after she was first changed and was eager for my attention. But Bella, she was something else entirely. I had been stunned by her seventeen year old beauty but Bella had been changed at the age of twenty three. She had filled into curves, her face had matured and looking at her made every cell of my ice-cold body feel as though it were on fire. _Bella_ made me feel things that I had not felt since I was human. She had always made me feel that way and I knew she always would.

I skipped ahead of her into the garage and opened the passenger side. She nodded curtly as she slipped in and let me close the door. I closed my eyes as I raced around the car. _Here we go_, I thought.

We were quiet for the first fifteen minutes or so. The nearest town was only twenty minutes away but we would have to drive a little further to reach one that had a decent interior paint collection. Bella sat silently, flipping through my iPod but seemingly found nothing that interested her, as she never played a song.

I finally broke the silence, "So you say tranquil, I suppose you're looking for some shade of blue?" I asked, trying to sound casual.

Bella looked at the side of my face for a long moment. "Yeah, I suppose."

Her mood had darkened. She was not nearly as perky as she had been when she initially asked this favor. I kept quiet and drove on.

The Home Depot was not too far into town and was nearly deserted. When we pulled in, I suddenly realized that Bella had never been around humans as a vampire. I panicked, eyeing the young man collecting shopping carts from the parking lot. Bella looked over at me expectantly, perfectly calm. I looked at her cracked window and then gauged that the employee was a mere thirty feet away. I could smell him; surely she could smell him, so why was she looking at me so calmly? To be cautious, I snatched her left wrist gently.

She didn't pull away but looked at me with lazy hostility, "What do you think you're doing?"

"Bella…" I considered very carefully before drawing her attention to him, "can you smell that man collecting the shopping carts?" I tightened my grip on her wrist and readied my feet to speed the Volvo out of there, if necessary.

Bella glanced out the window and then, looking straight ahead, she sniffed the air and considered the result. She turned her large red eyes to me and shrugged. "Yeah, I can smell him."

I looked at her face, dumbfounded. She was perfectly calm. This was the first human she had been in any near proximity to since her change and she looked…bored. Suddenly her eyes lit up.

"Oh, I'm supposed to have blood lust right now, aren't I?" She frowned, contemplating.

"Um, yes, you should _definitely_ have some blood lust right now." I watched her carefully.

"Hmm, well I'm fine. Ready to go?" She attempted to pull her wrist from my grip. I held her more firmly but she didn't struggle, just gave me an irritated look.

"Bella I can't let you go in there. I don't know what I was thinking. One, your blood lust could kick in or something and we can't risk that. Two, your eyes are red – obviously a problem - and three…you're a missing person one state over. What if you're recognized?" I couldn't believe how irresponsible I had been to take Bella out in public so soon. I had been so taken aback by her behavior toward me I hadn't considered the dangers.

"I'm so sorry Bella, I never should have…" I removed her wrist from my grasp and swung the Volvo out of the parking lot, back onto the highway.

We were quiet for a few minutes, Bella staring out the passenger window and me silently fuming at myself for putting Bella and innocent humans in such danger. Carlisle would hear about this and it would not be pretty.

Bella sighed dramatically, "I really wanted those new walls." She glanced at me through her eyelashes, looking disappointed.

At first I was outraged that she could be thinking of her wall color when she could have just experienced her first human massacre in the middle of a Home Depot, but then I found myself feeling guilty. I had told her I would do something and not followed through. More and more every day, I was reminded how unworthy of her I was.

**BPOV**

Of course everyone other than me, Edward and Emmett realized the danger of my trip to town. Panic had broken out when someone casually asked Emmett where we had gone. We were only ten minutes from home when Carlisle called Edward's cell phone to find out where we were and how many people I had turned into lunch during our little outing.

When Edward hung up, he muttered, "That was Carlisle. He's not happy." When I was quiet he continued, "Don't worry, the blame is obviously all on me. No one is going to be angry with you." He gave me a half smile.

"Edward, I can hear just as well as you can now." I had said flatly, pointing out that I had heard every word of his phone call.

He looked a bit disappointed when he replied, "Right. Of course you can."

We were silent the rest of the way home. I had regretted this excursion the second I realized we were taking the Volvo. Why hadn't I considered that? It was saturated with his scent and memories and I could barely contain my desire to straddle him during the ride to the Home Depot.

What a disaster this had become.

When we arrived at the house we were greeted by a _family meeting_ in the living room. I expected Carlisle to address Edward about the situation but he just sort of hovered with concerned eyes while Esme, whom I had never even heard raise her voice, gave him absolute hell. The siblings stood around casually, not looking shocked at Esme's lecture at all. Clearly this wasn't the first time they had heard sweet Esme angry. Carlisle may have been the head of the coven, but Esme was _definitely_ the one wearing the pants.

"How _could_ you, Edward?! Do you know what could have happened? You risked _everything_! How do you think Bella would feel if she had slaughtered innocent people? What do you think the Volturi would do to us if we had exposed ourselves to the public like that? You could have gotten us all killed, Edward. _All_ of us. Not to mention the implication it would have brought down upon our entire race! I mean, you might as well have dropped her off in the middle of a mall, Edward! This is the most stupid, irresponsible, _selfish_ thing – "

"Selfish." Edward interrupted, not a question but a confession.

"Yes, selfish." Esme hesitated, "Winning back Bella's affections should not take precedent over all of our safety, _including_ Bella's." Esme's face had dropped from anger to regret over that last sentence but we all knew it had to be said.

Edward was trying to keep his face still but I could see the anguish and humiliation starting to crack his expression. Edward's pain touched me deeply and I felt it, down in my gut; a raging desire to see him smile again. I silently chastised myself for being weak but shut my eyes and spoke, "Please don't blame Edward for this. This is my fault."

I opened my eyes and everyone was looking at me. Most faces were stunned, as I hadn't exactly kept my recent dislike for Edward a secret, Rosalie was rolling her eyes and Alice had the smallest victorious smile on her lips. Edward, however, was fuming. His jaw was clenched, his eyes were shut tight and he was shaking his head minutely. My eyes widened at his rage, not understanding this reaction. I was supporting him. I wanted to bear some of this burden for him. I was trying to _help_ him. Would I never do anything right in this man's eyes?

Esme spoke first, "Bella, you are not taking any blame for this. You're a new vampire, we can not expect you to be responsible for your actions."

"What _actions_?! You talk like I'm running around drooling and pissing on the carpets! Well I'm not a goddamn puppy, I'm just myself and I am _absolutely_ capable of taking responsibility for what I do. I mean, it wasn't even an issue, I didn't even _notice_ the human –"

"Didn't notice?" Carlisle interjected, speaking for the first time.

"Right, I didn't even notice the human in the parking lot when we got there, Edward had to point him out to me. And he _restrained_ me, by the way. Even though I didn't have a desire to eat the cart guy, he got me out of there immediately. He acted responsibly." I glanced at Edward, who seemed to have calmed minutely and was now just glaring at me, "I was the idiot for dragging him out to buy wall paint. God, I don't even fucking care about the wall paint!"

I snapped my mouth shut, thinking it was probably a mistake to hint at my secret plan to test Edward by turning him in to my errand boy. I scoffed to myself, Boy was that little plan backfiring big-time.

Carlisle looked puzzled but continued, "Bella, this is a pretty remarkable discovery. I've never heard of a vampire not having blood lust for a human. I assume you were blessed with astounding control, but to not _notice _it?"

I frowned, gathering how to explain my thirst to them, "It's like...well in my human life I really loved cheesecake. But if I went to someone's house and there was a cheesecake on the counter, I wouldn't leap across the room and rip into the cheesecake. I know that the cheesecake would taste much better than, say, the jell-o I'm already eating but I can control myself. I don't have to have cheesecake. It's not that big a deal."

Jasper, who had struggled with his thirst immensely, spoke, "Not that big a deal?"

"Just for me! I recognize that I'm different and that the desire for human blood is typically a very difficult thing to control…I don't think I'm any stronger than any of you are, I'm just…I don't know, I guess there's something wrong with me."

Carlisle smiled, "No Bella, there is nothing wrong with you. You're…a miracle. The difference between your experience and ours is that you were aware of us and even at one point desired this life before you changed. Perhaps somehow that aided you during your change and allowed you to retain a level of humanity that we never had a chance to. Maybe you represent a potential new generation of vampires. It's highly political and would take a long time, but I always had a feeling that one day humans would become more and more aware of us. And if more humans change as you have, we'll have the opportunity to live openly and peacefully. It's a bit of a pipe dream, but it's exciting, nonetheless."

We were all quiet for a moment, absorbing Carlisle's words.

Emmett spoke next, "If we still need to place blame for taking Bella to town, then blame me too. She's just so…I mean it's easy to forget that she's not the Bella we knew five years ago. I'm really sorry, Bella - and everyone else - that I didn't recognize the danger."

"No Emmett, I'm sorry. All of this is my fault." My voice was barely above a whisper.

"Would _both_ of you shut up!?" Edward growled. "This is preposterous. I am the one who suggested Bella come with me to town. I was distracted and I put all of us at risk and I will shoulder the blame."

"You have been awfully distracted lately, Edward." Rosalie said coldly.

Emmett scoffed, "Yeah, distracted by little jean skirts."

The room silenced.

Emmett's face told us he immediately regretted the jab but I could have murdered him in that second and Edward clearly felt the same. He took one small threatening step toward Emmett but didn't say anything. I felt naked in the outfit Alice had picked out for me, suddenly aware of how much of my legs were exposed. The worst part, though, was how stupid and childish I felt. I had to get a grip. I had been completely ruled by my emotions the past couple of weeks and it was turning me into a petty monster and now it was putting people in danger. I felt ashamed of the amount of drama I had managed to stir up in this loving, peaceful family since my arrival.

And as much as I tried to convince myself I hated Edward, my behavior had caused him this anguish and it was killing me. All I wanted to do was comfort him, to believe him and everyone else when they said that he did want me, the way I wanted him. I wanted to stay here, be a family. I wanted to forgive him for the past five years, at least let him make up to me. Mostly, I wanted to be honest.

I wrapped my arms around my chest, insecure about the neckline and said in a choked voice, "Edward, I'm so sorry."

Edward looked at me with caution, puzzled. I looked at Edward but addressed everyone, "You have all welcomed me with open arms repeatedly and all I've done is cause you turmoil. Divide your opinions, inconvenience you and put you in danger. And yet you've been nothing but kind to me. I do believe you left to protect me but I know that in leaving me, _you_ were safer also. I'm a walking magnet for trouble and _drama_ but still you all want to protect me and treat me as part of your family although I don't deserve it. I don't deserve any of you. I never did."

The truth of my own words crippled me and I crouched, wrapping my arms around my face. I heaved, sucking in breaths that would have calmed me if I were still human, instead they just aided in making me look hysterical.

Jasper approached me and squatted next to me. Hesitantly, he wrapped his arms around my shoulders and gently pulled my my head to his chest. "Bella," he whispered, "we treat you as family because you _are_ family."

Jasper's show of affection was so touching and unexpected that my breaths grew more erratic. I felt completely unworthy. Esme was next. She kneeled on my other side and wrapped her arms around Jasper and I, as far as she could, planting a kiss on the top of my head. Then Alice joined. Emmett came, dragging Rosalie with him. Carlisle, beaming proudly at his family, laughed and wrapped an arm around Emmett's neck. My breathing silenced and they peeled away from me, Jasper finally offering me a hand in standing up. I noticed Edward had not joined the impromptu group hug, and was no longer even in the room.

I smiled, "Thank you all so much. You mean everything to me. I'll do better, I promise."

Rosalie rolled her eyes, "Bella, stop already. You're perfect, we love you. Blah blah blah."

I grinned at Rosalie, my reluctant friend.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11 EPOV**

There was a gazebo at the edge of our property. As Bella broke down in front of my family, I excused myself silently, wishing to give her privacy and emotionally incapable of witnessing her grief. I had not earned the right to comfort Bella in the ways I knew my family would, the ways I longed to. I knew Bella would pull through. She was strong in every way that I was not.

I sat on the gazebo's bench, elbows on knees and stared out at the forest. The lush forests of the Pacific Northwest held some of my greatest and most harrowing memories. Now I reflected on the day I left Bella in the forest, when I had extricated my heart's only luminary from my life. The guilt of everything that had come to pass was suffocating. I knew I couldn't go on without her. I didn't want to. I considered whether I could bear to have little or none of her, whether it was worth it to stick around when she didn't need my protection or love; when she didn't need anything from me. Without her or the duty to protect her, this existence was meaningless.

I felt her coming before she was anywhere near and I closed my eyes. I could sense that this was going to be a defining moment. I prayed that the good intentions behind my actions had granted me enough credit with the universe to allow luck to fall on my side this time, whether I deserved it or not.

Bella didn't look at me when she approached. In fact she walked right past me, thirty feet or so to my left and stared out into the forest with her arms wrapped around her torso. She was still wearing the Alice outfit. She was still the most magnificent thing I'd ever seen.

Still not looking at me, she pulled a tendril of espresso hair away out of her face and tucked it behind her ear. She whispered, "I think there are some things we need to say to each other."

I flinched in anticipation, as a dog expecting to be kicked by his master might. She was silent for a frighteningly long time. I finally managed to choke out, "Say whatever you need to, Bella. I'm listening."

She took in a shaky breath. She was still in the habit of using breath to calm nerves, although it didn't work any longer. It took me forty years or more to break that habit and I still occasionally found myself breathing as a reaction to emotions, not just when I was trying to appear human.

"I want to be a part of this family." She exhaled, barely even whispering.

I had expected this to happen. Eventually I would let Bella take my place with the Cullens because I could not deny her anything she wanted. I didn't think that she would be brave enough to ask so soon, however. I thought of my life alone, the time I had spent in South America. It was the loneliest I had ever been but part of me had always thought that I would end up that way, in the end. I had never wanted anybody until I met Bella but I had always wished that I truly belonged with the Cullens.

"Bella," I held my voice as steady as possible, "If it makes you happy and keeps you safe, I can accept any choice you make."

In that moment I decided I would leave the next day. I knew what I would take with me and I knew where I was going: to solve the mystery of Bella's change. After that, if there was still no need for me in Bella's life, I would go to Italy and welcome the relief of non-existence. I planned, in my mind, the things I would say to my family. I was working on planning the words I would write to Bella in my farewell letter when she approached.

I was surprised when I looked up to see she was now facing me, a mere ten feet away. She fell gently to her knees, her face a mask of grief. I moved to help her up but she raised a hand to stop me. I fell to my knees before her, moving cautiously as though my presence would break her. Struggling to keep my hands from reaching to touch her, I dared to ask, "Bella…what is it?"

She opened her mouth but no sound came out. She was reconsidering her words and did so several times before purging, "I thought you'd be happy. That I was staying." She shook her head and placed her hands over her face, sucking cold breaths noisily between her fingers.

Puzzled, I tried to decipher the meaning behind this as quickly as possible so I could say something, _anything_, that would cease these dry sobs. I was coming up blank. I looked at her, hunched with her face buried in her hands. The desire to fix her, to _mend_ her, was overwhelming.

"Bella, of course I want you to stay. I want you to be happy. I've told you. I'll do anything you want. Please, look at me. What do you want from me?"

She stopped sobbing and looked up, pushing her hair back from her face. She shot up to standing and brushed the dirt from her knees. I looked up at her face and saw her expression…irritated. "I cannot believe you are making me spell this out. I know you're not stupid, Edward." She huffed, adorably.

I blinked in confusion and just waited, afraid to say anything. I felt like a coward but I had no idea why. Bella wanted to take my place at the Cullens. I agreed. Surely she didn't want me to be enraptured at the idea of leaving her and my family behind.

Bella was glaring at me expectantly when Jasper's frantic voice broke through the yard.

"Edward. It's Alice. Come now."

**BPOV**

Edward searched the air in front of him. I knew he was reading Jasper's thoughts. His eyes widened in horror.

"What is it?" I asked him, panicked. He was on his feet, moving at vampire speed toward the house. He hesitated, and then shook his head, continuing to move forward. I followed, dumbly. We were in the house in an instant and up the stairs. Alice was sitting on the edge of her bed, her hands knotted in fists at the hem of her shirt. She was staring straight ahead with a look of terror on her face.

"Has she said anything?" Edward asked Jasper. The entire family stood by nervously.

"No, she won't even look at me. Is it visions? Do you see anything?" Jasper was nearly hostile with his worry for Alice.

Edward stared at Alice's face. I could tell he was considering whether he should reveal her visions. Just then, she gasped and blinked a few times.

"Sorry. Sorry." She said, looking confused. Jasper pulled her off the bed into his arms and whispered to her. We all waited, dying to know what happened.

"My visions are back." She climbed out of Jasper's arms and faced everyone.

She smiled awkwardly.

I was completely taken aback, "What, where did they _go_?!" I can't believe no one had told me Alice was having a problem with her visions. Of course, looking back now it should have been obvious. I had spent all this time with Alice and she had not said a single word about her psychic abilities. I had been too self-absorbed with my own problems to recognize Alice's.

Alice smiled at me, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you, Bella. I've been having some problems with my vision lately."

"How long?" I demanded, trying to sound like I was_ not_ being demanding.

"Oh…three or four years." She said nonchalantly.

"Three or four years?! What happened? Were you hurt?" I searched her face. I couldn't imagine an Alice without her psychic powers for four years. Unbelievable.

Edward glanced at me nervously, "Let's talk about that later," he snapped, "Alice, what was that? What was going on in that head of yours?"

"Every vision I've missed. Every significant vision and every alternative to those visions…they just hit me. It was overwhelming. I'm sorry everyone for scaring you." She placed a hand on Jasper's arm. "It's like they were saved, stored away for me to see once I got over…whatever was happening to me. Then it was like a light switch flipped on and everything came flooding back at once." She visibly shuddered and tucked herself under Jasper's arm.

Alice narrowed her eyes and shot a deathly glance to Edward. "I think they may have come back out of necessity. Something very serious is going on. Would you like to explain that to the family, Edward?"

Baffled, we all looked to Edward, who was trying to maintain quiet determination on his face but I could tell he was boiling beneath. He spoke carefully to Alice, "Perhaps you and I can discuss that in private, Alice."

"No. Absolutely not. This concerns all of us, _Edward_." She looked at the family, "Edward is going to Italy." I knit my eyebrows together, not understanding the significance of this. Italy sounded like a lovely trip to me, but everyone else was gasping or glaring at Edward. Esme looked positively wounded.

"What's in Italy?" I asked, my voice shaking.

"Alice, aren't there more pressing things in your visions we need to discuss?" He looked pleadingly at Alice. The family was curious enough about the pressing things to keep quiet about Edward's trip to Italy.

Alice glared at Edward, "No Edward, I don't think that anything is more important that your trip to Italy because you are my brother and I love you." She addressed the family now, "There is something else, though. Someone is coming. Here. For us. I see twelve visitors. Their intent is malicious. They will arrive in two months."

"Do you see who it is?" Jasper asked.

"No. It's no one I recognize. I'll keep watching, if I can determine anything of interest but for now that's all I have." Alice fixed her stare at me.

"Bella…" She paused, studying the inside of her mind. I can't see your attack. Why?" Edward snapped his eyes at me as well, curious.

"I – I don't know. Maybe the vision of that didn't come back? I don't remember anything of it myself." I laughed awkwardly, "Maybe it never really happened."

She peered at me suspiciously, "I can see your decision to go home with Mike Vans in May two years ago. You met him at a bar where you where you were studying, alone, for a Russian Literature midterm. He gave you box wine in his crappy off-campus apartment and you did not seem to like him but you stayed over anyway." My eyes widened and dared to glance at Edward, who looked absolutely horrified. Alice continued, "Why would I be able to see something so insignificant but not the event that changed you into a _vampire_?"

"I don't know, Alice, but I am glad that of all the insignificant things I've done in the past five years, _that_ is the one you decide to mention."

Alice's eyes looked apologetic for a moment and then narrowed again, "Who were you hiking with that day?"

"Jacob. Jacob Black. He turned out to be one of my best friends after you left Forks." I smiled at the memory of Jacob, then cringed when I thought of how worried he must have been. How broken up he was after I disappeared.

Alice gasped. "Quiluete." She whispered.

"That's why you can't see." Said Edward, excited. The excitement quickly dissipated into anger. He turned on me.

"Bella, do you know anything about Jacob that you didn't tell us?" Edward asked as he stepped closer to me.

My eyes darted to the floor and I stepped back from his advance. There was something I knew, and it seemed they knew it now too. I'm not sure why I hadn't shared this information. I suppose it was because Jacob's kind hated vampires and I assumed vampires would feel the same way about him. I was trying to protect him; it would have felt like a betrayal to reveal his secret. I didn't see any point in hiding it now though; they clearly had figured it out.

"Yes," I said timidly, "Jacob is sort of…a werewolf?"

The whole family stared at me with wide eyes. Alice looked a bit smug. Edward, however, was livid. The rage started in his fists as he balled them, moved to his hunched shoulders, his clenched jaw, his eyes tight shut and then his entire body started quivering with his anger.

I stared at him, "Why are you so angry?"

His voice was straining from trying to keep it controlled, "Bella, I am angry because while we were worried about protecting you, you were spending your time running around with rabid _dogs_."

It was my turn to be angry. "Jacob and his friends were my protectors, Edward. You weren't there. How dare you –"

"_Protectors?_" Edward snorted. "Bella, you are hiking in a forest with a beast that is born to kill vampires. You are attacked by a vampire and left in a cave to die. Where is your puppy-in-shining armor now?"

"No." I hissed through my teeth, "Jake would have protected me if he could…" I stopped, in horror. What if Jake had been hurt trying to protect me? I would have known, surely. I needed to call Jake. I needed to call him right now.

"Phone," I croaked, "I need a phone right now."

"No," Alice said, "Jacob is OK Bella. I know what happened."

Everyone's eyes fixated on Alice.

"The thing about your story that has puzzled me the most, Bella, is why any vampire would single you out and not finish you. They must have known who you were. What are the chances that one of the few humans in the world who actually knows about vampires is attacked by a random vampire? The only vampire I would expect to come after you is Victoria and there is no way she would keep you alive." Alice gave Edward a knowing glance and nodded at him.

Edward pulled her conclusion from Alice's mind and finished. "But it was her. Victoria came looking for you and was not expecting you to be hiking with a big, dumb dog."

"So Jake _did_ protect me. He probably killed Victoria but was too late...I had already been bitten." I was relieved. Jake was OK. He had tried to help me.

Edward scoffed, "He may have killed Victoria, but he left you in a cave to die."

"What could he have done Edward?!" I demanded, exasperated.

"He could have sucked the venom out." I squeezed my eyes shut at Edward's response, remembering the terrible night James had bitten me and Edward risked my life to remove the venom from my system.

"He probably didn't know that was an option, Edward. Plus, it could have killed him." I was close to him now, our raging eyes locked a mere two feet from each other.

"You would have risked it for him." He said coldly. He was right. I would have done anything for Jake. I'm sure there was an explanation.

"Also," Edward continued, "he carried your body to a cave two hundred miles from Forks and left you there to die alone."

I shook my head. "You don't know what you're talking about." I spat at him.

Edward shifted his eyes away from me, considering. Nodding at whatever conclusion he had made, he turned on his heels and headed for the exit.

"Where are you going?" Alice called after him. Edward paused minutely then trudged forward.

"Forks" he muttered, and I could feel him pulling away from me as he flashed through the door.


	12. Chapter 12

**Hey everyone! First I want to thank everyone who read the last chapter, or any of the chapters, thus far. You are all incredible.**

**Nearly every review I received for chapter 11 noted what a dramatic jackass Edward is. I hope I'm not being selfish but I actually really like him that way. I'm a sucker for drama drama drama. I didn't intend to turn Edward into an asshole; it just came out when I was writing. And you know it's just that overwhelming vampire-magnitude love for the Bells that makes him this crazy. I know it's been a little angsty the past couple of chapters, so I'm going to try to lighten it up soon-ish. **

**It's funny, last night I was re-reading Eclipse and I realized I was remembering past scenes and interactions that were actually things that happened on fanfictions I had read. It's amazing to me that: first, some of these fanfics are so good I confuse them with the original and second, I read way too many damn stories on the internetz ******

**Anyway, I don't usually post author notes at the start of chapters so I'll try not to intrude on the story too much from now on. I will say, however, that your reviews make my life. If you have not written a fic yet, you probably think that authors who beg for reviews are irritating. I certainly did. But now I understand. Reviews are like crack. So if you have anything to say, good or bad, please go ahead and say it. I am going to respond to every single one of them, (which won't be too hard, considering I'm only averaging three reviews per chapter right now) ******** Love you all. XoXo**

**(Speaking of angsty asshole Edward, chapter 12 opens up EPOV and guess what ya'll? He's still mad.)**

**Chapter 12 EPOV**

Bella followed me out of Alice's bedroom and down into the kitchen. She didn't speak until I was opening the back door that faced the garage.

"Edward," she said in a calm voice, "why are we going to Forks?"

I halted and spun to face her. "_We_ are not going anywhere. _I_ am going to Forks to talk to Jacob Black."

She considered this, "If you're going to Forks, you're taking me with you."

I laughed and left the house, Bella still trailing behind me. I stalked across the garage and threw myself into the Volvo, turning the key that was already in the ignition. Before I could put the car in drive, Bella had situated herself onto the hood. I shut my eyes and tried to calm myself as much as possible.

"Bella, you need to get off the car."

"Not until you agree to take me with you."

My hands clenched around the steering wheel and I had to concentrate very hard to not bend it. I got out of the car and stood before Bella. She had her hands palm down on the hood on either side of her. I took one of her wrists in each of my hands and leaned in close to her face. "Bella, if you do not remove yourself from the Volvo, _I_ am going to have to remove you and I really do not want to do that."

Bella smirked and flexed her fingers into the metal of the hood. The hood screeched and folded on itself into two makeshift handles for Bella. I closed my eyes against the sight of my defiled car, trying to match Bella's calm confidence.

"Bella, please, shall I try to remove you from the hood? Or, just remove the hood?"

Bella giggled, "Edward, you cannot overpower me. Until my human blood is all out of my system – "she paused and batted her eyelashes to draw my attention to her red irises, "-I will be stronger than you. Thus, I cannot imagine a situation that would allow you to remove me from the hood of this car. Unless, of course, you agreed to my accompanying you to Forks, in which case I would gladly join you as your passenger _inside _the Volvo."

I looked at Bella, determined and adorable, perched on the hood and my anger began to fade to irritated amusement. Of course I wanted nothing more than to have Bella's company on the trip, be alone with her, maybe risk taking her hand – but there was too much risk of her being recognized in Forks, as she had only been missing for two months at this point.

"Bella, it's dangerous-" I started.

"Please?" She whispered, scooting her body down the hood to be closer to mine until I was nearly between her thighs. She pressed her knees into the sides of my waist and I felt as though I may faint.

We were quiet, staring at each other and waiting to see which of us would crack first. From the determined look in her eye, I knew it would be me but I held our pose longer, dreading to part from our position. Her face was mere inches from mine and she was nearly horizontal on the car, elbows bent to accommodate the closeness and keep from having to unlock my hands from her wrists.

"Fine," I whispered, "but you had better remain unseen."

She nodded enthusiastically and let go of the hood, turning her wrists over so her hands grabbed my forearms. The touch of her fingers on me was impossible to ignore and I cringed my eyes shut against the pleasure. She seemed to notice and was very careful to pull her fingertips lightly back down arms, letting her hands grip my wrists so I could help pull her off the car.

We stood before the hood and I sighed when I surveyed the damage. Bella laughed, "They look like nostrils" she guffawed as she started making quick work of smoothing the metal back down into place. It looked better when she finished but I was clearly going to require a new hood, which Rosalie would be thrilled to take care of for me.

The mood was lightened but I was still tense with anger and hatred for Jacob Black as I held the passenger door open for Bella. Once on the road, Bella called Alice on her cell phone to inform the family that she was accompanying me and that she would make sure everything went "smoothly". I was a little offended by the notion that I would let things get out of hand but in the end, I couldn't blame them. I still hadn't decided for sure if I was going to kill Jacob Black or just give him a good long talking to. It made sense that everyone would be on edge about it.

The drive was long, almost four hours, and mostly quiet. I was used to the trip and could drive it easily, nearly automatically. I had made the journey quite often, usually around school breaks when I knew Bella would be home visiting Charlie. I would risk the occasional peek in their windows, watching Bella glow and laugh as she cooked for her father.

I thought of Bella's last trip home, how excited she would have been to see Charlie and then to go hiking with Jake. I could see her, the sweet, clumsy human Bella, completely unaware that her life was about to change forever, that it was going to end. She had no idea that she would not be returning home that day, would not go back to school, would never cook her father another meal, would never be held in human arms again and feel the warmth of blood beneath skin.

I thought of how terrified Bella must have been after Victoria attacked. I wondered what went through her mind when she thought she would die. Did I cross her mind? Charlie? Jacob? Knowing Bella, her mind was probably only consumed with concern for Jacob. I'm sure she wished for death, the pain of the venom will do that to you. And where was I when this was happening? My love was terrified, in critical danger, and then excruciating pain. What could I have possibly been doing then? Reading? Hunting? Talking with Jasper? Aren't you supposed to know when something is wrong with someone you love? Yet I felt nothing, had no inkling that she was hurt. I failed to protect her.

I looked over at Bella. She sat casually, looking out the window with a solemn face, the rain drizzling down the glass reflected her beauty into a thousand facets for me to adore. I wanted to touch her. Sensing my gaze, she snapped her head to look at me. Her expression was soft as she studied me, and then smiled.

"You're going to give me a complex if you keep staring." She teased.

I returned her smile, "You should probably get used to it."

**BPOV**

_Get used to it_. "Are you planning on making a habit of the staring?" I asked, trying to sound casual but unable to completely keep the hesitance out of my voice.

Edward chuckled and said, "Perhaps, I was mostly thinking of your integration into human life, though. We tend to attract a lot of attention."

"Oh." I said, nodding. I hadn't thought much about my integration. I supposed I looked young enough for high school. I definitely looked younger than Rosalie did, with her mature figure. If she could pull it off, I certainly could. I was imagining life as a high school student with the Cullens and smiling at how full circle that would be when Edward spoke again.

"Bella, I want to apologize to you. And I want you to accept it this time." His voice was serious.

"For what?"

Edward paused, gathering his words. I knew what he was apologizing for but waited him out anyway. I was glad we were speaking now, even joking with each other. I should have known that I could keep Edward calm if I would just remain calm myself. As soon as he announced he was going to Forks, I just _had_ to go with him and I knew yelling and screaming wouldn't do me any good, as it hadn't so far. Charming and a bit of a tease, however, worked perfectly.

"I've acted inappropriately since you've arrived." Before he could continue I started laughing.

"Edward, I _punched_ you. If anyone has been acting inappropriately, it's me."

"It was justified!" He said quickly, "I should not have approached you or touched you before you were ready. Then I took you out in public when it was dangerous for you and I lost my temper back at the house just now…"

I narrowed my eyes at him, considering whether to confess all of my manipulative actions since I arrived but didn't see the point. I did remember, though, something I wanted to ask him…

"Edward what's in Italy?" I demanded. He looked surprised, he had probably been expecting me to accept his apology or at least acknowledge his behavior in some way. He furrowed his brow and looked straight out the window, appearing anxious.

"The Volturi are in Italy," He finally answered, "Since I won't be staying with the Cullens any longer, I'll want to do some traveling and I've been meaning to visit the Volturi family for a few years."

I considered this for a moment. Why would everyone care so much if Edward was just stopping by to visit the Volturi in Italy? What was Alice so – wait –

"-What do you mean, you're not going to be staying with the Cullens?!" I demanded, searching his face in desperation. If my heart had been moving it would have stopped. Panic shot through my arms and it was all I could do to keep from grabbing his shirt and shaking him.

Edward face was frozen in surprise. He was starting to stammer a response when he saw the sign welcoming us to Forks.

"We're here." He whispered.

I was going to tell him to not change the subject but the realization that I was home for the first time since that nightmare overwhelmed me. It was dark in Forks, already past ten p.m. We wound down Main Street, past the diner and the library and eventually past Forks High School. It was so strange to see this place for the first time with my heightened senses and I spent most of the drive with my hand clamped over my mouth, sucking in an occasional gasp.

Edward slowed down as we approached the street that would lead to Charlie's house. I shook my head at him and he kept driving. I couldn't bear the thought of seeing Charlie's police cruiser parked in the driveway. I wondered if he would go to bed early like he usually did or if the lights would be on, indicating he was up worrying about me.

We drove as close to the treaty border as we could get and parked. Edward was out and around, opening the door for me before I even had my unnecessary seatbelt off.

"Should we call Jacob?" I asked, my hand flitting down to the pocket of my denim skirt where my cell phone was. I suddenly regretted not changing out of my skimpy outfit prior to this journey.

"No, they should have a lookout along the border. They'll catch our scent and come for us." He glanced at me warily. I knew he was worried about my safety against the werewolves, but I was more concerned for Jacob's safety in this situation.

About five miles into the woods, along the treaty line, we stopped and waited.

We heard them coming long before they arrived. I could feel the heavy thudding of their footsteps vibrating the earth as they approached. When they were about a mile away, their scent became prominent and I wrinkled my nose. Edward chuckled briefly but did not move an inch from his protective stance.

The wolves appeared through the trees growling and scratching, barreling toward us, ready to kill. I saw Jacob first, instantly recognizing his reddish-brown fur and the massive size of him. He was flanked by three other wolves but I was too focused to try to determine who they were.

Suddenly, Jacob hesitated and skirted to a stop, close to the treaty line. He walked slowly the rest of the way, growling and snapping still.

"Jacob Black, you cannot attack us, we have not crossed the border." Edward said, with calm vehemence.

Jacob's eyes suddenly shot to me and he sniffed the air. A whimper caught his throat and his body seemed to go limp as he recognized me.

"Jake," I whispered as I slowly approached him, my hand outstretched to touch him. He met my advance with a low growl that halted me.

"Jacob, she just wants to talk to you." Edward said, "Why don't you change to human form. We are not here to harm you or your pack."

I thought that may be a lie, considering Edward's opinion of Jake right now but I let it go, smiling softly at Jake and nodding my head in agreement. Jake looked between the two of us suspiciously and started vibrating. His long arms and snout tucked in towards his torso as he became his human form. He stood there, tall and chiseled and _naked_. If I was human, I would have blushed. I had not seen Jake naked before and for a moment, I found it rather distracting.

Jake's face was hard and cold and suddenly I was afraid. I had never been afraid of Jake before, even when I first learned that he was a werewolf. He had always just been Jake to me, and I hated to realize suddenly, in that moment standing before Jake on the treaty line, that we were enemies now. Mortal enemies. I felt the sadness of that realization flood over me as I watched Jake's hard face.

"I miss you." I whispered. He didn't respond, just continued to stare me down.

My face crumpled into dry sobs. Everything that had come to pass since I last saw Jake wrenched my stomach. I missed Charlie, I missed Renee, Jake was the only one I could talk to and he was being horrible. It was too much and I gasped and gasped, wanting it to be over. Edward hissed at Jake, seemingly for making me cry.

Jake spoke then, his voice full of malice. "What do you want, bloodsuckers?"

"I want to know what the hell happened, _Mongrel_, why don't you explain to me how Bella ended up alone in a cave to die after you took her hiking." Edward inched as close to the treaty line as he could get without knowingly stepping over.

Jake's face was still stone but I could see his forehead wrinkle slightly, as though he were worried.

"I don't owe you or your leech girlfriend anything, Cullen." He sneered, "and if either of you dare to cross that boundary, I'll be first in line to dismember your bodies."

Jake turned without glancing my way again and transformed back into a wolf. He and his pack retreated back toward the reservation, confident we wouldn't follow. Edward was clearly perturbed that his question had not been answered but didn't make any advance toward the line. "I'm still getting my answers." He muttered.

"Then let's go after him, Edward." I spoke, in control of my emotions now.

"He wasn't lying, Bella, about us crossing that line. He would kill us instantly. He's not as cold hearted towards you as he seemed to be though. I caught thoughts of great sadness from him."

"You couldn't find any information from any of the wolves heads?" I asked, surprised.

"No," Edward was clearly disappointed in himself, "the wolves were all screaming so loudly I could barely hear anything."

I looked into the trees, expecting my best friend to return and proclaim he was kidding, that he was happy to see me, glad that I had successfully made the change, that I was with a vegetarian family. Something. That could not have been my Jacob. He would not leave me this way. I had to go to him, right now, and demand an explanation. My chest tightened with determination and anxiety. I leapt to Edward's side and stood before him, my hands on his elbows.

"Edward, you're going to think I'm crazy…" He looked at me, puzzled.

In an instant I was on him, my legs wrapping around his waist, my arms around his neck, my fingers into his hair. My mouth was on his before he realized what was happening. I kissed him with every passion I had burned for him since his lips were last on mine five years ago. He needed no time to catch on. Our mouths moved together, demanding each other. Edward groaned and moved his hands to my bare hips, where the tight denim skirt had rolled up to my waist at my launch. I moaned, lustily, as though we were much more naked and much more intertwined than we were currently. Edward's whole body, face, hands, lips, mouth, tongue were alive and burning, burning, burning every inch of me.

For a moment I forgot my objective, would have gladly started ripping off clothes where we stood but I remembered Jake. I needed to follow him. I needed him to see I was not afraid. I needed to call his bluff. Kill me or love me, Jake.

I unwrapped myself from Edward and he stood wide-eyed, panting and scanning my face for an explanation. "Bella…" he breathed, looking as though he was about to say it all; all that shit that we had been avoiding. I didn't have time.

"Please don't follow me." I whispered before turning my back on him and darting into the woods after the werewolves.


	13. Chapter 13

**Hi everyone! I'm sorry it took a while to update, this one was really really hard to write. Ugh! I hope it turned out OK. Please review! XoXo. -A**

**Chapter 13 EPOV**

Bella disappeared into the forest and I stood gaping at the trees, confused by what had just happened. My body was still alive from kissing Bella and I couldn't think straight. I knew Bella was in danger, however, and I automatically shot after her through the forest. I followed her scent, letting my instincts take over on my pursuit. My mind was still absorbed in her, the way she smelled, the way her lips felt pressed against mine. I ran blindly, frantic to find her before she found the wolves.

After running a few miles into the Quileute's territory, I became aware of being pursued myself. I listened closely and heard the animalistic grunt of the pack's minds, chasing me as I was chasing Bella. There were only two of them. Had they taken care of Bella and circled back for me? No, Bella's scent kept pace through the forest, she hadn't been stopped yet. I considered turning to face them, to eliminate them as a threat to Bella before we got too close to her but was afraid I'd arrive too late to help her. Better she and I against four than just her against two, or however many would have joined up by now.

The wolves were not fast enough to catch up to me and were trailing behind quite a bit when I found Bella and Jacob. They were circling each other, apparently alone.

"Jacob, just _listen_ to me!" Bella pleaded, tense in her defensive stance. Jacob snarled and continued to sway in circles around Bella's crouched body, looking for a good moment to attack.

"Edward, you stay right there!" Bella demanded, acknowledging me where I stood frozen, trying to read Jacob's thoughts and determine the best course of action.

Jacob shot forward a snap of his teeth but Bella dodged him easily. He retreated and commenced the dance. I was halfway to her when Bella stopped me with a glare. Closer now, I could get a better read on Jacob's thoughts. When I had been more centered between him and the approaching wolves, I was getting their thoughts as a unit and having a hard time singling Jacob out.

"Jake," Bella said as softly as she could manage between her clenched jaw, "You're my best friend. Always have been. Please, just stop this and talk to me. I know you don't want to hurt me. I _know_ it. Maybe it will never be the same between us because I'm a, well…you know…but I need to know that you're OK Jake, and I need to know what happened."

And then I saw it. The entire scene flashed through Jacob's mind and my stomach lurched at the shock of it and I gasped. Jacob and Bella paused and watched me. My mind was desperately trying to sort through the visions in Jake's memory that he was throwing at me. He looked at me knowingly, letting me piece together the truth.

"You're the alpha now." I whispered.

Jake gave up his position and sat on his haunches, examining Bella with great sad eyes. The truth forced my hatred to drain from my veins, replaced with sorrow for Jacob and his friends.

The two wolves pursuing me had become three and halted their swift approach at Jacob's command. They now sat mirroring Jake's stature behind him and the emotion radiating from the four as their minds focused on what was being revealed was so overpowering that I fell to my knees. Staring blankly ahead, I waited for the words that Jacob was gathering.

Bella, bewildered by the whole scene and leaping to my side in concern at my reaction, shook her head and demanded, "What do you mean you're the alpha now, Jake? What's _wrong_? Where's Sam?"

Jake morphed into his human form, naked but solid and confident. His face was already streaked with tears that had flooded the fur on his face moments ago. He stood still, trying to portray strength but his mind was whimpering, just a pup.

"Bella, Sam is dead."

**BPOV**

_Sam. _An image of himflooded my mind. Sam had been so strong, the calm and confident leader, much akin to our Carlisle. I couldn't believe it.

"Oh God, Jake. I'm so sorry. What happened to him?" I took a hesitant step forward, wanting to comfort my best friend, as though I hadn't just been avoiding death by his jaws.

"You happened, Bella" he sneered at both Edward and I, "your kind happened to _them_."

My hands started shaking and beside me Edward had lowered his face into his hands and started trembling. I didn't want to even begin to guess at what he could hear in Jacob's head.

"Them." I stood and crossed the ground until I was a mere foot from Jacob. I reached up to place my hands on his shoulders. He simply stared out into the forest, over my head, and fresh tears began to spill over his golden skin.

"Them, Jake? _Who_?" I could barely get the words out. Who was lost, other than Sam?"

"Sam. Embry. Jared. Paul. Collin." Their names came out in a shaking whisper but with the sanctity of a prayer.

My eyes shot to the three wolves positioned behind Jacob, now howling their grief. I took the time to recognize them now. The Clearwaters, Seth and Leah, and Quil.

"This is all that remains of the pack." I whispered, in shock.

Jacob nodded his head and stepped back from me. He was not angry anymore, he didn't even look sad. He just looked defeated, and tired.

Edward stood and raced to my side, recognizing my state before I did and I let him catch me as I screamed. There were no words that could express the horror, and I wished with ferocity for tears, for tangible proof of the sorrow surging through my body. I could see their faces in my mind; large warm faces, bright as the sun, laughing around the Quileute campfires, arms slung around each other. Jake's family. Friends. Brothers.

I realized I had been lifted into Edward's arms and he cradled me like a child, letting me sob against his neck. Everyone was still for a long time, seemingly waiting for me. Once I managed to suppress the pain to silence, I whispered, "How?"

Jacob cleared his throat; he had been expecting this, to have to explain it. With a tight voice he began, "A group of vampires took us by surprise. They worked quickly; the pack member's deaths were reasonably painless. The four of us were not on patrol that day and could not get back in time to protect our brothers, or to die by their sides with honor. We tracked the bloodsuckers but they were long gone and too fast to catch up to. We did not want to leave our home unprotected for long, as there are only four of us now."

Jake spoke robotically, like a nervous news announcer. I suspected he was leaving something out and I climbed out of Edward's arms to look at him straight, keeping my hand on Edward's shoulder for support.

"Where were you?" I asked, trying to imagine a situation that would drag Jake far from the reservation. I couldn't come up with anything. Jacob was not only a homebody; he took the job of protecting his tribe very seriously and as Sam's number two, wouldn't have strayed that far unless it was something very important. Wherever he had been, I was grateful for the distance. Even six wolves against more than a few vampires didn't stand a chance and I would have lost my Jake too.

"Quil had gone with Claire's family on vacation to California. Leah and Seth had to accompany their mother to New Mexico, family emergency. Sam told them to go. He felt confident that the six of us would be fine to patrol the area. None of us suspected anything would happen…" Jake shifted his eyes to the ground, trying to keep his emotions in check.

My face crumpled again at the sight of strong alpha Jake, trying to keep it together for his pack.

"And you?" I managed.

His face collapsed and the tears poured. Jake crouched and placed his face in his large hands. His pack behind him looked embarrassed for him and I felt irritation at them. They didn't have to be strong and Jake shouldn't have to either.

"Jake…" I whispered, wanting to comfort him but afraid to touch him, to take away the last reserve of strength he had by holding him.

He looked up at me, his eyes tortured. "I was with you, Bells."

"In the cave." I whispered. Images hit me suddenly, Jacob's frantic face leaning over me as I writhed in pain. Jacob scrambling to make me comfortable, holding me against his hot body and whispering shaking lullabies. "You were with me."

Jake nodded, not moving from his position but taking a long breath in preparation. I could see him searching for a place to begin.

"That bitch came out of nowhere. I should have seen her coming, smelled her, sensed her but … I don't know, we were having too much fun? I wasn't on guard as I should have been. I'll never forgive myself, Bella…." His voice broke. I shook my head and approached him slowly, sliding onto my knees and pulling one of his large hot hands into mine. He winced at the cold but didn't pull his hand away.

"She…attacked you," he continued, and I was grateful he was editing the gruesome details. "She was drinking from you, just crazed…I don't think she knew what I was or she wouldn't have been off guard like that. It was so easy, she didn't see me shift, probably figured she would take me after she was finished with you. She never saw me coming; her head was off before she knew what had happened." A small bit of pride escaped with Jake's words.

I nodded and squeezed his hand, anxious for him to continue.

"I didn't know what to do with you, Bella. I was in wolf form, so I was linked up with Sam. He told me that I was going to have to kill you or let you change. I wanted to suck it out of you, to get rid of the poison but Sam said it would kill me and he forbade me. He told me to run with you, to get you far away from our family and I did. So I changed back into my human form, I picked you up and I ran."

Jake wasn't trying to hide his emotions anymore. The remorse on his face was heartbreaking and I lifted my hand to the side of his face. "Jake…"

He shook his head and began again, "I was going to stay with you, Bella, I swear it. I didn't know how it was going to work out –" he chuckled wildly " – a werewolf and a vampire roaming the lands together, but literally the only thing that could have forced me to leave you alone out there happened."

I had my arms around my best friend. I was slightly comforted. He would have stayed with me. He wanted to.

"I knew something was wrong," he continued suddenly, "I could just feel it. So I shifted to check in with the pack and suddenly I was in the middle of the fight. I was watching it happen." He gasped for breath to continue, "I just ran. I just left you there. I ran and I watched them die. There was nothing I could do – "Jake broke off into wet sobs that kept time with my dry ones.

"I wanted to come back for you, Bella, to make sure you were OK but I was a coward. I couldn't face you being a…one of them, or finding out you hadn't made it. I couldn't take any more death. I had to take over as alpha, to keep protecting our families." Jake said once he had composed himself again.

"I know, Jake." I whispered.

Edward spoke for the first time, "Why do you think they attacked? And so suddenly?" He was gazing far off, trying to analyze the battle he had seen in Jake's memories.

"Retaliation." Jake muttered, his voice a dark growl.

Comprehension lit up Edward's face. "Victoria." He hissed.

Jake nodded. "I have never heard of so many vampires traveling together, thirteen of them! Victoria must have meant something to them; they came for us to avenge her death after they discovered what I had done to her. Twelve of them against five of us, we didn't stand a chance."

I gasped. _Twelve_.

My eyes locked on Edward's and I knew he had made the connection too.

I shuddered. Something I had started in a make-shift baseball field over five years ago was coming back at full-force to haunt me. I was a stupid human girl who just had to get caught up in the world of the supernatural, the consequences of which were devastating but now that was trivial. Five friends had been slaughtered. A group of twelve with malicious intent was coming after my family. All because of me.

_Two months,_ Alice had said.

Jake spoke again and it was clear he was back in alpha mode. "You two should leave. I have no tolerance for leeches. The only reason you're alive now is because we were friends, Bella."

"Were?" I whispered.

"Bells," his voice softer, "you know I can't. Not now at least. Not after everything we've been through here on the reservation. You have the Cullens now. They'll take care of you. I'm sorry it can't be me anymore…I wanted to be…everything to you." Jake laughed suddenly, darkly, "Looks like we've switched places Cullen, you get to protect her while I'm the one trying to resist killing her."

I nodded dumbly, too shocked by everything I had learned to argue with him, trying not to look brokenhearted as I paced back to stand beside Edward. I would grieve for Jake's friendship later, if I could ever finish grieving for the other Quileutes.

"Goodbye Jake."

Jake nodded coldly and shifted. His eyes in wolf form gave away more of his regret at our goodbye than his human eyes did. Edward and I turned away from him, making haste back to the car.


	14. Chapter 14

**WOW thank you all so much for reviewing chapter 13. I'm glad you all liked that chapter. I was as surprised as you were to find out most of the pack had been murdered. **

**This chapter is a happy stepping stone toward fluffier times. It's got the angst but, you know, chapter thirteen was MESSED UP so Bella has to deal with that. I hope the end is worth the journey.**

**Please review !!! XoXo - A**

**Chapter 14 EPOV**

Bella and I raced through the forest as fast our bodies would carry us, stretching every muscle to the brink, striding the longest distance possible. I could sense a frantic energy about Bella's sprint, her body releasing the crazed energy that the past hour in the forest had produced. I didn't dare say anything; just let her run it out, matching her speed and carefully staying out of her way.

I opened the Volvo door for her when we arrived and she did not acknowledge me or even look at me as she swiftly settled into the passenger seat. In the car, I leaned over and stretched her seatbelt across her lap and clicked it into place, my knuckle briefly grazing the white of her exposed hip, that part of her body that I had fully palmed in my lust earlier this evening. The contact made my throat hitch but Bella did not seem to notice; she just stared straight ahead, her expression mostly blank except for the small hint of panic in her eyes.

Not knowing what to do next, I straightened the seatbelt, totally trivial but hopefully something that could make her feel even an ounce of safety, across her shoulder and started the car. I wondered if vampires could go into shock. I thought I should call Carlisle but I didn't want to aggravate Bella by having that conversation in front of her. I drove swiftly toward home, glancing at her constantly to see if her expression had changed yet, but it never did.

At home I took her hand to help her from the car and led her into the house with my hand on the small of her back. She did not seem to mind or even notice my small gestures of physical contact.

"Thank God you're back!" Alice shrieked as she ran to us, throwing her arms around Bella. She stepped back and frowned at Bella's lack of response.

"What happened? I couldn't see anything, those damn wolves! Are you hurt? Edward?" Alice rushed out, panicked.

The entire family had gathered at our arrival and eyed Bella nervously. Carlisle stepped forward and took Bella's face in his hands, examining her eyes.

"Has she said anything?" He asked me, calmly.

"Not a word. She ran to the car from our meeting with the wolves but has hardly moved since." I ran my fingers through my hair nervously.

"So you did meet with the wolves?" Jasper spoke, curiosity barely taking precedent over his concern for Bella.

Carlisle considered the need to discuss what had happened in Forks, sensing it was important. "Edward, why don't you tell the family about your visit to see Jacob Black while I take Bella to my study? Bella, if you don't mind, I just want to do a small examination. It won't take long, I promise." There was no change in Bella but Carlisle smiled at her as though she had agreed and led her by the elbow to his second floor office.

I hesitated, not wanting to be apart from Bella but the urgency of the situation helped me focus on sitting everyone down. I looked at the frantic eyes around the living room, afraid for them. I explained every detail from the beginning, skipping over the conversation Bella and I had in the car and our kiss.

I was prepared for the emotional reaction when I revealed the fate of the Quileute pack. I closed my mind as I relived the confrontation in the forest, only willing to deal with the grief from my family's mouths - hearing their thoughts also would have been unbearable.

After I finished, Jasper and Emmett immediately launched into discussion about our twelve visitors. I didn't listen; I was staring at the stairs trying to decide when would be a good time to check on Bella.

"Edward, could you tell from Jacob's memories if the twelve were newborn and what kind of fighting capabilities they had?" Jasper interrupted my daze.

I paused, trying to focus on his request but keeping my eyes on the stairs. "I'm not sure…the memories were so laced with emotion…" I trailed off.

Alice recognized my distraction and came to my rescue. "It's been a long, emotional day – maybe we can all discuss this tomorrow? I'm sure Edward would like to see how Bella is doing." She gave me a small smile and I nodded my appreciation to her.

Jasper grumbled acceptance and I could tell he was not happy but he was not willing to argue with his wife in this tense an environment.

I climbed the stairs slowly towards Carlisle's office, anxious to see Bella but taking the time to prepare myself for her near catatonic state.

The door was open and Bella was sitting opposite Carlisle's desk with her knees pulled up to her chest. I couldn't see her face but I could tell from Carlisle's expression and her stillness that she hadn't changed. I raised my eyebrows at Carlisle anyway and he shook his head minutely before jumping into my thoughts.

_There is nothing physically wrong with Bella, _he said, _She just needs time to adjust. You know as well as I do that we feel emotions much stronger than humans, without the chemical processes to regulate how we react to them. Bella is remarkably developed for a new vampire but keep in mind that she is still a newborn. These are immense emotional blows to accept in a body and mind you're still getting used to controlling._

I nodded at him and slid into the chair next to Bella. Carlisle mumbled something about getting the story of our trip from the family and left the room, although I'm sure he had heard every word of it from upstairs.

"Bella." I whispered and smiled reassuringly. I dared to place my hand over hers, placing it very softly at first in anticipation of her reaction but there was none. I surrounded her hand with mine, pressing her palm further into her bare shins. When there was no reaction, I slowly slid my hand up over her wrist and rubbed her forearm, hoping my actions were a comfort to her. We sat together in silence for a long while until I noticed Carlisle hovering a bit outside and decided to take her to her room so she could have some privacy.

"Bella," I whispered, "I think Carlisle needs to do some work in here – may I escort you back to you room?"

Bella didn't as much as twitch.

I casually tried a different approach, taking her hand gently to pull her from the leather chair but she didn't budge. Feeling impatient, I slid my left arm under her knees and my right arm behind her back, hoisting her into the air to cradle her as I had in the forest. This action seemed to trigger something and she took a very small shaking breath as I carried her carefully upstairs to her room.

I closed the door lightly with my foot and crossed the room to lay Bella on the bed. I put her on her back but as soon as I removed my arms she turned onto her left side and drew her knees up into a fetal position. My face reflected worry; this seemed worse than not moving at all. I knelt next to the bed and pushed her thick hair out of her face.

"Bella, if you can hear me, I'm sorry about your friends…I wish I could take it away, all of this pain. I would do anything to feel all of this for you." I tucked her hair behind her ear and continued to run my fingers through the tangled mess, gently cupping the top of her neck with each pass.

"I'll be right outside the door, Bella. If you need _anything_…" I touched her face one last time, greedy for as much of our contact I could get and moved to stand up.

"I want you to stay" I heard her whisper as I turned toward the door.

I spun around and studied her face to make sure I wasn't imagining things. Her face hadn't changed but her eyes were different, pleading.

I knelt down again. "Bella, you want me to stay?" I asked cautiously.

Bella nodded, just the slightest movement. My heart soared, so thankful for even the smallest reactions from her. I beamed, "Bella, I'll stay right here. I promise." I settled back onto my heels to prove it.

In a flash she sat up on the bed and the sudden change shocked me to my feet. She patted the spot next to her and I sat, careful to sit far enough away that no parts of our bodies were touching in an attempt to keep her comfortable.

She clasped her hands together in her lap and stared down at them. "I don't just want you to stay here tonight, Edward. I want you stay with the Cullens. Don't go to Italy. You belong to this family."

I nodded, too surprised by her speaking at all to be surprised by what she was saying. "Bella, I'll stay or go wherever and whenever you want me to. All you have to do is ask."

She looked into my eyes then, moving her hands to her knees. She licked her lips in preparation for what she was going to say. I gulped at the air in loud anticipation. "I've lost so much, Edward. I've lost everything. Everybody. I can't lose you too." She glanced down bashfully for a moment, "Not that I deserve you – or ever had you to start with."

I laughed in disbelief, "Had me? Bella, you _own_ me. You always have."

We looked at each other for a long while, Bella clearly trying to decipher whether I was being sincere in my admission that I was her slave. I didn't mind, I knew she would see eventually, that I would be able to prove that my sole purpose for existing was her. I smiled inwardly, knowing I had forever to try to prove it to her. I hoped that would be enough time.

"Will you hold me?" She asked quietly after a few minutes.

"Of course."

She laid down and turned back onto her left side facing the door. I scooted hesitantly up behind her and draped an arm around her waist. She lifted her head to invite my other arm across her pillow and she pressed the side of her face into it.

"I wish I could sleep." She whispered.

I smiled, "It would be nice."

The sun was already starting to come up and we didn't move or speak again until afternoon except to breathe. I took in her scent with every breath and each time it was desire-inducing yet comforting, new yet familiar.

**BPOV**

I couldn't sleep any longer but I could definitely dream. Edward's arms were enough to pull me out of my conscious life and into a world where friends didn't die, vampires with a vendetta didn't plan your demise and you didn't have to hide yourself away from the people you loved and watch in silence as they suffered.

We were usually interrupted by someone knocking on my door to ask Edward about strategy for the upcoming fight we were facing. I tried to avoid hearing any reference to training or strategy. Two months didn't seem like long but it certainly still felt like something I could deal with later. When Edward left to work, I usually putted around the property and house. Sometimes I watched television with Alice or curled up on the couch with a book but usually I was just absorbed in my own head, staring at the wall. I'm not sure where I went during the days, I was just lost somewhere in my brain trying to unwrap myself from the grief I felt.

For the first few days, I could only make it a handful of hours before sulking around to find Edward, feeling defeated. When I found him, usually huddled with Jasper and Emmett, he never hesitated – just stopped what he was doing and walked past me toward my room. I would catch glimpses of irritation from the family members he was planning with, especially if Rosalie was there, but no one ever said anything, they just continued planning without him. I would follow him up the stairs and into my room. He would shut the door, climb onto the bed and open his arms. We never said a word. Once I was wrapped up in Edward, I could block out everything and imagine that I was still a stupid eighteen year old lamb; that Edward had never left me and Charlie was snoring across the hall.

Every day I managed to be away from Edward in the house a little longer until eventually, two weeks after the Jake incident, I did not demand his arms until nightfall.

When I lasted all day without Edward, he noticed that I hadn't come for him yet and started to worry. When I approached him after dark, I could see the concern in his eyes and the relief that he got to escort me upstairs. I felt guilty that he enjoyed this so much, this time of non-intimate, mock affection that I granted him.

We took our positions. Usually Edward and I just barely spooned in bed. I could occasionally feel his shirt rub against my back - but my face on one of his arms and his other arm draped carefully over my waist were the only places we actually touched. That night was the first time I wanted more. I carefully slid my head back to his shoulder and very slowly shifted my body back; my shoulders into his chest, my back pressed into his hard torso, my hips against his. Both of us had halted our breath while I made the adjustment and I froze in nervousness before breathing again and sinking into him. He relaxed, crossing his left arm over my chest to rest his hand on my shoulder and tightening his grip across my stomach. I could feel his chest rise and fall as he resumed his breathing. For two weeks that mouth of his had blown breath across my hair and I didn't realize until then how much closer I needed it.

We lay together for hours, relishing our new closeness. It was two a.m. according to the alarm clock on the nightstand, when Edward pulled his hand from my waist and raised it to my neck. He drew it down softly, starting below my ear and sliding over my shoulder and down my arm to my hand. I didn't hesitate to turn my hand over and lace my fingers through his. Slowly and with steady breath Edward pulled our hands to his lips and kissed the back of mine, tentatively.

My hand warmed against his cool lips and I flipped myself over in a split second, desperate to meet his eyes. With me now lying on my back, he wasn't sure what to do with his hands. The one that was still holding my hand hovered awkwardly in the air, not sure where to go but not wanting to release me. The left arm that still cradled my head had its hand in the air, unsure where to settle. The most casual place to lay it was one of my breasts. I saw him come to this conclusion in his mind as his eyes trailed to my chest, then down to my stomach which was shivering with my nervous breath, and further before shooting his eyes back to my face, embarrassed. Edward had plenty of experiences with the back of me over the past two weeks but now he was faced with the front of me and he didn't know what to do.

I stared into his panicked eyes and before I knew it, I was giggling. I hadn't so much as smiled since our trip to Forks and once I started, I couldn't stop. The giggling turned into a snort that catapulted into full-on laughter. Edward looked utterly confused for a few moments but then smiled with me, chuckling at my giddiness.

Soon all that was left of my laughter was a smile and our eyes were locked and it was that moment. He recognized it the instant I did and his eyes became innocent, serious but soft. Edward was no longer panicked. All he had to do was slightly cock an eyebrow and wait for my eyes to light up in approval. He released our hands and brought his now-free right hand to my face, tracing his thumb across my cheekbone. My breathing grew heavy and I wrapped my arms around his waist, pulling him closer. In an instant his pillow-arm shot out from under me until his hand was cradling the back of my neck and pulling me toward him. I closed my eyes.

This was not the balcony moment with Edward the first night I had spent at the Cullens. That moment was manic and confusing, so confusing that I pushed Edward across the yard, unsure of what I wanted. This was also not the moment I kissed Edward before racing off after the werewolves. That moment had seen so necessary at the time it's almost like I didn't have a choice, I had to kiss Edward one last time in case Jake actually _killed_ me.

This was not desperate, or manic, or confusing. This moment was not a goodbye. This moment was chosen, it was peaceful, it was meant to happen. The Universe lined up and the moment I was ready to let go, to forgive, to move past my grief, to recognize what I wanted – was the same moment I ended up tangled in Edward's arms at two a.m. in Middle-Of-Nowhere, Oregon.

It was confirmed the second his lips met mine. The kiss was gentle, patient and right. I slowly worked my hand through Edward's hair as he pulled me into him, to kiss me deeper. He kept pulling away to catch his breath as if he wanted to say something but I kept dragging him back in, wrapping my arm around his neck and pulling myself closer to him because there was nothing Edward could say that I didn't already know. I knew the expanse of his love and the devotion to my happiness; those were the same things I felt. I showed him that I felt it, with the passing of my tongue over his, by trailing my hand to grip the hem of his T-shirt, allowing me to just barely pass over the skin of his back with my fingertips. I put everything into that kiss; our love, our mourning, our anger. We shared the burden of the grief now and for the first time since my death I felt light, and alive.


End file.
